i realized that i kind of took a vacation from decent blogs..

and this is the part of life i like to call: apologizing (:

sorry guys. i think it's because i write better blogs when i'm NOT happy. which is a bad thing, but so true.

and currently, i'm very happy!

so there's nothing really making me need to express anything otherwise.

i think it's because i have no stress yet.

maybe by saturday i'll realize that i need to read an entire book.

that'll inspire me...

haha

so for now, you get short and happy blogs

later you'll get long and stressed blogs.

sound like a plan?

(:

moral of the story: don't worry; be happy

why is Tron's soundtrack number 1 on itunes?

the little things in life that don't make sense...

along with my deep metaphor of corner artists.

remember that one?

yeah (:

i',m having a christmas party tomorrow

sorry if you weren't invited

it's a small thing

it's time for bed

to bed i said

...yeah

why must we wait in the dark?

the day after christmas always feels so empty.

like all of the excitement is gone.

but really, christmas is 12 days long.

so it's not even over yet.

not even close.

the wise men still need to get to the manger

the priest at my church today wasn't my normal priest.

and in his homily he used a lot of transition phrases.

that's seriously all i got from it (or all i remember...)

i mean, it must be hard for priests to write different homilies for masses they've said so many times.

i guess i'll tell you what i got for christmas...

a shirt scarf and mittens from pacsun, an ipod dock, perfume, beauty and the beast on dvd!, the little rascals, itunes money, an AWESOME tie dye hoodie, a bath set with like soap and stuff, a curling iron, a necklace, a bathrobe, and mario kart

so, thank you santa/family. i love everything (:

i hope you all had a fantastic christmas as well

it never takes too long...

i have often dreamed

of a far off place

where a great warm welcome would be waiting for me

where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face

and the voice keeps saying

"this is where i'm meant to be."

and this is the part of life i like to call: impatient.

so christmas is in two days!

and i finished getting all of presents all together and stuff.

i just have to wrap them tomorrow

and then try to sleep a little bit!

also, i'd just like to say that i saw a post that said

"i love Jesus. he was born and i get presents, he died and i get chocolate."

okay, really?

so so very unnecessary.

people are so ignorant.

moral of the story: what's the dealio?

this is the moment

and this is the part of life i like to call: christmas vacation!

so it hasn't even started yet..

but i have so much energy right now

and i'm like super excited for christmas.

because i just went and bought stocking stuffers for my mom.

so i was basically santa.

want to know the terrible part?

(it was her money...)

like, something's wrong here.

ANYWAY, the only class that i'm actually going to still do stuff in in geometry. because he hates children and life. and strives to be scrooge.

also, i have christmas cookies sitting on my desk.

and snow on my lawn.

and i love this time of year ♥

basically three free mods in a row tomorrow.

i be loving it, i be, i be loving it

moral of the story: they tried to make me go to rehab i won't go go go

2 things

december 8th was my one year anniversary with this blog (:

i forgot to celebrate that...

so, yay me for being committed!

also, november has 30 days.

last month i wrote 31 posts.

totally over achieved.

haha, goodnight everybody

we just write and play and write and play and...

and this is the part of life i like to call: already knowing when a weekend is going to be stressful on tuesday.

i was aware of everything that i had to do so right now i'm just like "ehh, whatever.."

you know that feeling when you have something to say and you're super excited about it but when you go to say it it just disappears from your mind?

feeling that. right now.

so about the title; it's a meg and dia song. like, that's obvious at this point.

also, by "play" i'm totally talking about playing music. because that's what this weekend will consist of: writing and playing music.

on friday we were assigned a super secret project in english.

we could work by ourselves, in pairs, or in groups of three.

i chose to work by myself to avoid having people feel sorry for not having room in their group for me.

i work better on my own anyway.

but as i was sitting in class working on this project and i saw who was working where the first thing i wrote on my paper was "typical."

let me tell you something about level four english classes.

there are a lot of different kinds of people in there. there's the people who are complete over-achievers, there's the achievers, and then there's the people who don't really belong in the class but i guess they just wanted all the extra work.

but anyway, the groups that our class forms are always the same. i try to be in a different one occasionally because i would get tired of working with the same people. but that's just me.

it's nothing personal, i just work better with different groups of people.

i also like to have a different role in different groups of people. sometimes i become a leader if i notice a lack of leadership. sometimes i'll just follow along in the background. most of the time i'm in the middle and try my best to keep everything under control.

but who wants to read a blog about how english classes work?

basically in the course of 48 hours i'll be presenting an economics project. i'm not even done my portfolio. i'm going to finish that part tonight.

tomorrow i'll be working entirely on the presentation and then in the mere hours i'll have left i'll write another lousy english paper.

my research paper better kick some butt.

moral of the story: and i'm feeling good.

i'm bored of your random all over the place attitude

and this is the part of life i like to call: actually formatting a blog for once.

this is going to be a combination of things i said i would continue to do but haven't...

so, anonymous shout-outs!

1.when i'm on the bus, all i want to do is listen to music and not communicate with people at all... you make this very difficult. especially in the morning. i just don't want to deal with that. and i just want to relax. also, sometimes you're overly nice and it turns a little obnoxious. like, you're overly friendly. usually this wouldn't be a problem, because i like friendly people, but i kind of find you annoying sometimes. sorry.

2. even mentioning this is against the rules, but so many people i know are following me on tumblr. it's annoying. when did they even get tumblrs? i'm so confused. this website used to be really secure and private and stuff. now it's like "hey, this is becoming facebook!" not cool.

3. so basically, this one's for multiple people.
how about we listen to what people are asking so that we don't ask the same question 5 times in one mod? i know we all love the class and want to be there but let's make it less ridiculous for the people that actually want to hear what the teacher is saying? thanks.

4. sometimes the things that you say really do bother me. and maybe it's because i don't have as big of a self-esteem as you. or maybe it's because i'm constantly getting attacked by you and can't defend myself. but it's just starting to hurt lately. and i don't appreciate it. even though i know that you're kidding.

so four's good.
also, for my benefit, i need to write what needs to get accomplished eventually.
- portfolio for economics.
- start omam paper
- take a shower
- possibly straighten my hair?
- make sure my alarm works.
- do bio lab.
- go christmas shopping/get candy canes for everyone.
- go to megan's game
- finish economics project
- finish paper

no big deal.

Did you think about what I said last night?
Knowing you, you probably didn't.
I could picture your face on the other side.
Completely oblivious.
Do you really feel like this love is real?
I wish I could join you.

I'm bored of your love
I'm bored of your face
I'm bored of your random all
over the place attitude
I'm bored of you

So, I thought about what you said last night
Normally I probably wouldn't
But something you said kept me up all night
I tried to sleep but I just couldn't
I hope you still feel like
this love is for real
'Cause I know that I do

I'm in love with your love
In love with your face
In love with almost everything that you say
Yes it's true
I'm in love with you

so yeah, this has been good.
moral of the story: just getting back to normal stuff.

10 days (:

this also means that i have approximately zero time to finish my economics project and do an english paper, but yaknow, it's christmas time!

i'm hungry.
ANYWAY.
it's freezing. i'm soo cold. all the time. (let's flashback to like my third post ever... hahahahahahaha)

i need to write a response paper.
i need something to write about...
i guess i could write about how i always write papers on what essays were on tests.
but maybe not.

elsewhere is such a good book.

"But I believe good things happen everyday. I believe good things happen even when bad things happen. And I believe on a happy day like today, we can still feel a little sad. And that's life, isn't it?"

Elsewhere

i love this book so much.

it's pretty much ridiculous.

i NEED to read it again

but i don't have time.

so basically i need to write a 4 page paper and do a huge economics project in the course of this week.

i'm NOT doing it all on sunday.

now that that's in writing...

so yeah, just thought i'd let you all know.

12 days (:

i'm a mess.

basically, i don't even know...
so it's saturday night.
and i'm home alone.
and i was watching movies and all i wanted was someone to be there watching them with me.
like, story of my life.
(except not?)
i'm just always alone...
and i'm always in this aloof state. (use of vocab.+5?)
i don't know.
sorry for the wasted blogs.

just wanted to say...

not everything i write has this huge deep meaning behind it.

don't read into what i say more than what's there...

it's just one of those nights...

and this is the part of life i like to call: i guess...

like, i seriously think i'm bipolar sometimes.

people might find this hard to believe, but i'm not always happy.

in fact, i'm probably more sad than happy on a regular basis.

mcms concert bands were tonight.

i was fine. and then the one that i play clarinet in started.

and i found myself sinking into this state of confusion.

i don't even know.

i guess i just need a little christmas.

it's like my family doesn't know that it's 16 days away.

our house doesn't get decorated until the 18th. if we're lucky. or maybe the 15...

my mom told me she hasn't gone christmas shopping yet.

i think we're all out of sync.

also, i'm hungry.

and i have to write a response paper!

moral of the story: i don't even know why i'm not happy... it's not like anything is making me sad right now...

meg and dia ♥

When I was younger, I wish that I would have known better.
Better love makes a fat romance, that lasts for more than a shoe shine.
I’m older, took all the words of my mother, saying,
"It could be worse, could be born with that disease, instead of catching it first."

So let’s go back, to the first time, that I met you, in your Chevy, with your hands stretched, and me crying, screaming, “Mercy, Mercy!”
But I know that, I was put here, to fight Vikings, in the cold war, with my arms out, in the front lines, singing, “Dare me. Dare me.”

But these things take time love.
These things take backbone.
And they’ll tell you what you want to hear ’cause they think it’s better. Better.
But you better know how to point out the liars.
You’ve got to weigh your wars make sure you’re not fighting for nothing. Nothing.
Are you fighting for nothing, nothing?

It feels like this world has been growing slowly upside down.
Maybe I should move to China, and straighten this mess out.
Maybe I’ll be a poet.
Watch all the sky for falling words.
And write about my grandma’s curtains, or the lady who put the Chinese buffet in her purse.
I’ve got my mouth. It’s a weapon.
It’s a bombshell. It’s a cannon.
I’ve got my words.
I won’t give them mercy, mercy!

But these things take time love.
These things take backbone.
And they’ll tell you what they want to hear ’cause they think it’s better. Better.
But you better know how to point out the liars.
You’ve got to weigh your wars make sure you’re not fighting for nothing. Nothing.
Are you fighting for nothing, nothing?

I’ve got my words. I hope they hurt you.
I hope they scar you. I hope they heal you.
I hope they cut you open,
Make you see you’ve been warring for all the wrong reasons.
Make you see that some things are worth bruising for.
Make you see that your name is your honor code.
Make you see that your hands you’re accounted for.
Pick and choose where your sweat and your blood will go.
Make you see your life’s not to be lived alone.
Run their spit through your hair, you’re worth nothing. Nothing.

But these things take time love.
These things take backbone.
And they’ll tell you what you want to hear ’cause they think it’s better. Better.
But you better know how to point out the liars.
You’ve got to weigh your wars make sure you’re not fighting for nothing. Nothing.
But these things take time love.
These things take backbone.
And they’ll tell you what you want to hear ’cause they think it’s better. Better.
But you better know how to point out the liars.
You’ve got to weigh your wars make sure you’re not fighting for nothing. Nothing.

Are you fighting for nothing, nothing?

♥

all the colors of the rainbow

hidden 'neath my skin

hearts have colors don't we all know

red runs through our veins.

feel the fire burning

up, inspire me with blood of blue and green

i have hope

inside is not a heart,

but a kaleidoscope.

and this is the part of life i like to call: short blogs ):

so anyway, the play was today

and they forgot to turn my mic on for my solos back stage. until the last one.

which was my favorite one.. so i guess it's ok.

but that means there were awkward silences in songs.

and now i need to do bio homework and start a paper. both of which are due tuesday. so i have tomorrow as well.

i'm just trying to bring the stress level down a little.

moral of the story: i feel bad when i don't write a lot... i don't know why.

i know the chance that i'm taking

"In this weird twisted way, I know you miss me liking you, not because I want to believe it's true, but because you'll never find a girl that can put up with you like I did; you'll never find a girl who will care as much as I did, because no one will waste all their love on someone like you, like I did. "

i posted this in october. with my huge quotes post.

i don't know how i do these things to myself...

all of the drama that i've ever had in my life, i definitely just made it worse than it was.

i'm disgusted with how fake i can be.

i'm also in a really terrible mood, randomly.

also, current obsession: meg and dia.

people who are nice don't bring up how nice they are... just saying

i'm fully aware that i'm a hypocrite.

promises

another original by Abby Desharnais in 8th grade

Promise me so many things,
Never ever forget anyone you meet,
Never regret anything that happens.
Promise me that we won’t fight.
Promise me that we’ll always be friends.
Promise me that you’ll be patient with me.
Always be patient.
Always do what makes you happy.
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance.
Believe in yourself no matter what.
If you can’t think of what to do,
Follow your heart.
Promise me that you’ll never leave.
Promises, Promises, Promises.

wonder

an original by Abby Desharnais in 8th grade.

I often seem to wonder,
Whatever happened to childhood?
We were all equals,
Everything was significant.
Every child made wishes,
Every child had dreams.
We all believed in each other,
We’d give anything to fly!
We never doubted,
Always had a secret scheme,
And then one day we awoke to this world.
We were stricken with shock,
This is the big world.
Now we have a constant worry.
We were always doubting,
Always ignorant,
And the most important thing is being rich.
Back then it was about climbing up the biggest rock first.
Back then we had imagination.
Now we worry.
Let’s go back to when we used to wonder.

yesterday, all of my troubles seemed so far away

and this is the part of life i like to call: everything's going right

i wish i could just sit and think. i wish i could just sit and write tremendous stories like i used to.

(what i used to write wasn't tremendous... but i spent a lot of time of things. and i loved them at the time. and they were really well written.)

i used to be an avid writer. i used to aspire to be an author.

i guess that's partly why i took level 4 english. i thought that there would be some creative writing involved... but nope. mostly essays. it's okay though, because i'm definitely without a doubt taking creative writing. maybe if i'm forced into writing stories i'll fall in love with it again.

that's an interesting phrase... falling in love with an action or an inanimate object. we all say it. what does it really mean?

i've been day dreaming about driving now. i'm just extremely ready to be able to go places. i mean, i like my house and everything, but i'd like to leave. often.

it's not like i'm going to have a car though...

that's the annoying thing. it's also annoying that people's parents buy them cars. i feel like that's an experience that you need to do on your own.

here comes the sun and i say

it's alright.

i made my christmas list today. which makes me sound hypocritical... but this is the one time of the year where parents buy their children things because it's tradition. santa's in the picture to of course...

i feel like the holiday shouldn't even be called christmas anymore. it's lost it's real meaning. i'll probably write about that more towards christmas or when people are going crazy to buy things.

i think i'll buy things for my kids on the 26th. (ha, but probably not.)

moral of the story: don't love inanimate objects? (i don't even know where that came in...)

just a few things

so today was confirmation. i still have oil on my forehead to prove it (:

people came over. we ate chinese food for hours... haha

i am now an adult in the church. and i also have the holy spirit with me.

this is a big deal!

so i got $50 in itunes money... i basically just spent it all.

i was explaining to my parents that i only get itunes gift cards twice a year so i have to spend it right away.

i'm so excited for all of this music i just bought!!!

i lost my train of thought.

oh, i just wanted to say a virtual thank you to all of those who attended even though none of them read this i don't think..

all of these emotions come pouring out of me

and this is the part of life i like to call: this is the soundtrack to my life, the soundtrack to my life. (i only like this song because of world of jenks... haha)

so anyway, i'm being confirmed tomorrow.

this is pretty much a big deal.

corey said "so are you ready to become an adult?"

that was a huge blow. i mean, i've thought of it that way... but i never realized how close this is.

something that bothers me: being the youngest child, i get dragged to everything. i had to go to my brother's blue and gold boyscout ceremonies. i had to go to their graduations and to their 8th grade musicals. i had to go to their sacrements, such as confirmations. they never go to anything of mine. granted, they have cars and college to worry about. but it's a weekend. take some time to care about something of mine? it's not so much corey as it is jake. corey went to dear edwina. and corey's going to my confirmation. jake hasn't/isn't going to either.

on a side note: i drove today! and i didn't crash into anything and i didn't ruin the car or public property! i only slammed on the brake once or twice. and i only revved the gas five or six times... haha

driving in a parking lot with no other cars isn't too hard... (:

moral of the story: i've got some issues that nobody can see...

folks would kill to fill your shoes

you love the lime light to now baby.

and this is the part of life i like to call: oh hey, let's catch up (:

it won't work

i look before i leap, i love margins and discipline.

i make lists in my sleep baby what's my sin?

never quit, i follow through.

i hate mess but i love you

what to do with my impromptu baby?

so anyway... haha

today is thanksgiving.

i just wanted to say that i'm thankful for all of you. (that's not a lot of people... but thank you for reading my thoughts.)

i'm also thankful for everyone that has come into my life and stayed in my life over the past few years. i've learned so much about myself from you guys and i've become a much stronger person.

all of that aside, i'm very thankful for my supportive family. we're a team. we work together. when we're in a room together you can feel the love. that's my favorite part.

"after dinner you all just went to different room." -mom

"well, we had to balance the house out..." -me

and everyone laughed (:

i just love moments like that with them.

so what's been going on lately?

well, i don't have any homework over vacation. that's the first time that's happened in a long time.

i'm going shopping tomorrow. against my will. it's going to be so hectic and i'm going to be so stressed out. i also don't get to sleep. mehh.

i think i'll go to bed super early tonight. and that'll make tomorrow better.

is this sufficient? i think so.

happy thanksgiving!

moral of the story: so. much. food.

glee was very good
i wrote a pretty good paper
and tomorrow's technically friday.

yeah, i think i like this.

like, oh my god.

i can't even explain to you.

there are absolutely no words.

hawaii 2011.

i'm going to hawaii next year.

where it's always warm. even the water.

and luaus? like, don't even get me started.

no words.

today was just so fantastic.

there are no words.

with the thoughts of us just keeping me awake.

bedtimee

so all i really want to do is see harry potter and the deathly hallows part 1.

and i'll probably cry when *spoiler alert* doby dies.

but whatever. the next one is sadder. and it's the end of the era.

so lost and harry potter will be over.

at least i'll still have glee?

ehhh. it's not the same.

i want to reread elsewhere by gabrielle zevin.

you should all read it too.

so if you're too school for cool

and you're treated like a fool,
you can choose to let it go.

and this is the part of life i like to call: not feeling 100%.
i'm at about a 70% right now.

i don't know if this is common to anything else, but i know i don't feel good when i keep yawning. like, i'll yawn and then yawn about 30 seconds later. and yawning is the only thing that makes me feel better.
i have a sinus headache i think. and i'm tired.
i thin all i need is just to get a full night's sleep for once.

allstate was today. i didn't go. the end.

also, it's cold out.

moral of the story: i think i'm going to go play some wii now..

i'm currently dressed up as dumbledore

...yay.

and this is the part of life i like to call: blogging from the library

the library is having a harry potter party seeing as it's opening night an all...
i so wish i could be at the premiere instead of right here. in this chair. as dumbledore.

like, how do i even get into these situations?
i feel bad for not participating... but i'm wearing a beard and a wig... ya know...


these kids are loving it though, which is cute to watch.
some kids give me hope to be a teacher. like the ones that dress up as harry potter characters. haha

so i got five hours of sleep. this is the first time all year i've gone to bed later than 11:30.
i hate going to sleep in the morning. sleeping is a nighttime activity.

moral of the story: i just don't like wearing this costume... haha

just to document these two things:

so i just wrote a response paper in about 10 minutes. it's pretty terrible, but i did it. and it's one and a half pages of suck. it's also my stress one. so i can't use that excuse again. mehhh.

also, in english on monday we got our quarter grades. (i got an 89. as previously mentioned?) so elizabeth went and got hers and walked with "mad swag" back to her seat. i was the only that saw this. i pretty much died right there...


and yeah. now i have to do 10 reader response sheets! whoot!

not to mention bio homework... yeah. whatever.

i have to realize

and this is the part of life i like to call: oh hey, let's cram everything into one night.

technically i shouldn't even be writing this.
i have so much to do. but i don't want to.
i wish i was one of those kids that just takes school off when i need a day.
i'd miss too much.

i've been super inspired lately, but every time i write something here i realize it doesn't even apply to my life. and i guess i could make it into a story, but i don't have the time and energy to do that.

i've been listening to goodbye by kesha for like a week.
it's so incredible how this doesn't sound like how she currently does.
and how if she stayed making music like this she'd never get noticed. which is why our music industry sucks. all of the good music is shoved in a corner so that all of the hip-hop and pop artists can dance around the room. the poor corner artists...

i often say that i wish i was talented. but i should just come to terms with my abilities. i mean, i'm an okay singer. i'm an okay clarinet player. and i'm okay with being okay. i've never been the best at anything, so this is nothing new. obviously i'd like to have something to claim as mine. like "this is MY talent and i'm great at it and you should just be jealous of that." except not... because i wouldn't want anyone to do that.

today, my neighbor josh yelled at me for apologizing to much. he said something like "you're going to get mugged one day and apologize for not having more money to give."
that's so true. haha

also, i realized that i've been spelling yesterday and apologizing wrong my entire life. i always spelt yesterday as yestarday and apologizing as appologizing. this blew my mind.

moral of the story: i hate running out of eraser.

untitled.

so i just finished the scarlet letter.
and i don't know how i feel about it.

also, i'm not formatting this blog because it's going to be short.

i need to do bio homework. but that's not gonna happen.
i also have to do 10 reader response sheets and like 6 chapters worth of study guide questions.
i'm rocking at school...

also, i have an 89 in english. which is so annoying.
and i have an 87 in math. which is also annoying but the highest i've had in awhile.
but, at least i have an A in economics. i should've taken level 4. which is also annoying.

i'm just annoyed. and i want Christmas. and i want to sleep.
so goodnight!

i wanna say so much more

goodbye - kesha. before the dollar sign. ♥

the secrets out that i do care about you.
you broke me
you left me
there's nothing i can do.

this might be, this could be, this is goodbye.

ok. yeah.

don't breathe too deep; don't think all day.

and this is the part of life i like to call: not really having anything to blog about.

everything's been pretty mediocre lately. nothing terrible has happened. nothing earth-shattering.

this is normal. this is average.

i miss things always being exciting. always different from the previous day.
everything's always the same now...

katie made a picture of everyone in band this year. people are being really bratty about it when really she spent a lot of time on it. and it was really well done. she even put people around who they're friends with.

who i'm around, however, is interesting.
it's funny to see who other people think my friends are.
it's also funny to see that it's mostly true.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Im-bP7Xw63E
(loving this everyday)

moral of the story: this is short

i'll just leave this here.

"So much being known, it would appear natural that a part of it should be expressed. It is singular, however, how long a time often passes before words embody things; and with what security two persons, who choose to avoid a certain subject, may approach its very verge, and retire without disturbing it."

...yeah

i would understand

^stuck in my head. for three days.
jumper - third eye blind.

and this is the part of life i like to call: not doing bio homework. ha
so it's thursday night.
and i'm home alone?
which doesn't normally happen.
so i like this (:

i need to be productive.
i need to do a lot of things...

i wish i was motivated to practice.
if i was doing allstate i'd totally have to.
next year.

i guess i'm just afraid of not making it.
and having people realize that i'm not as good as they think i am.
speaking of, we had a sectional yesterday.
no one ever goes to our sectionals, even when the CONDUCTOR is running it.
seriously? make time. because people clearly don't practice.
including me. so they can't even make excuses.

anyway, i'm just tired of people not caring. about anything.
and about me.

moral of the story: i do complain too much. mehh.

this one deserved it's own post...

"Love, whether newly born, or aroused from a deathlike slumber, must always create a sunshine, filling the heart so full of radiance, that it overflows upon the outward world."

(:

“Is the world then so narrow?” exclaimed Hester Prynne, fixing her deep eyes on the minister’s, and instinctively exercising a magnetic power over a spirit so shattered and subdued, that it could hardly hold itself erect. “Doth the universe lie within the compass of yonder town, which only a little time ago was but a leaf-strewn desert, as lonely as this around us? Whither leads yonder forest-track? Backward to the settlement, thou sayest! Yes; but onward, too! Deeper it goes, and deeper, into the wilderness, less plainly to be seen at every step; until, some few miles hence, the yellow leaves will show no vestige of the white man’s tread. There thou art free! So brief a journey would bring thee from a world where thou hast been most wretched, to one where thou mayest still be happy! Is there not shade enough in all this boundless forest to hide thy heart from the gaze of Roger Chillingworth?”

if you get the chance to read that entire thing... do it (:

Hester is such a strong character. i'm loving this chapter, as i thought i would.
“Be thou strong for me!” answered he. “Advise me what to do.”
p.s. dimmesdale is a wimp.

i wish you would step back from that ledge my friend

and this is the part of life i like to call: uhh, what's homework?

i hate when i do this.
i really regret it.
but i still do it.
every single year.
i just stop caring.

guess who needs to read 5 chapters? yeah. me.
i think i'm going to use my bio homework pass...
yeah. sounds good.

i'm sort of rushing through this blog.
i need to read.

also, i found someone who has like the same music taste as me. which is really bizarre. because i like a lot of random things. her tumblr playlist basically is these random things. http://tumblrphotographyxox.tumblr.com/ she's already tumblr famous... whatever.
okay, sorry.

moral of the story: back to normal.

p.s. changed my template. i don't know how i feel about it yet... haha

the place where i feel most like me

and this is the part of life i like to call: researching.

thank you for music.
thank you for artists.
thank you for the internet.
thank you for bandcamp.com
thank you for having access to all of these things.
&+ it's a beautiful thing (:

i'm reading the no fear literature version of the scarlet letter. because i find things easier to read if they're on a computer screen.
<-- so bad.

so the quarter ends on friday. and there's no school thursday.
therefore, i have a test in about every subject on tuesday.
oh teachers... how do you coordinate these things?

it's kind of annoying how ms. sue totally loves me. and expects a bunch from me. but at the same time, it's a good thing. because i got that solo finally. but it's so obvious that she just did that because it's me. and i feel bad sometimes.

usually i put spaces to separate different thoughts so that you guys don't get confused. and i usually put spaces after every sentence to space things out more. that's just how i've always done this...
if it's hard to follow i appologize, but i think it's easier.

so last night and this morning (i guess) tracey, megan, and i played the sims 2 on gamecube. for four hours.
i think that's an issue. seriously. not that i don't have bad vision from staring at screens for hours at a time already... whatever.


anyway, this one's been kind of random.
just a little update... no big deal.

moral of the story: i need to read the scarlet letter...

resolution

finally.

that's what i've been waiting for.

blinded by the lights

and this is the part of life i like to call: let's pretend that i actually went to bed at 9:30...

"'cause i would die for you on skyway avenue."
i was OBSESSED with we the kings.
in 6th grade.
and i felt so cool that i knew who they were before everyone else.
(because corinne was like "hey abby, you'll like this song!")
and this was the first alternative band i really listened to.
and took the time to look into more than one song.

btdubs, this is post 150. in case anyone was wondering.

formspring just makes me angry now.
i shouldn't have made one.
it doesn't even make sense.
like, why would i want and encourage people to just take jabs at me?
mehh.

meanwhile, my stocks are doing fine, yet i'm ranked 600-something out of 700?
that doesn't even make sense.

meanwhile, tumblr has been working out rather nicely for me.
so if you want to see that, go a few blogs back.
i put the link in it.

my brother asked me what i thought about taylor's new album.
he was surprised that i didn't like it.
i guess this is a big shock to people... but whatever.
i said "corey, you realize that if you just played all of her songs back to back and flowing into eachother you get a song a couple of hours long? it's just one big song..."
so true.
true life.

i put little kid pictures up. of myself. on facebook.
haha, yeah.

confirmation is in like two weeks.
this is a little ridiculous...
my mom made a facebook event for it.
like, really?
haha, so legit.

moral of the story: yes i just said "so legit." i don't know where that came from...

150!

if i could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by?

and this is the part of life i like to call: totally rocking always.

this is my 149th post (: i'm going to celebrate this instead.
because why does everything have to be nice and rounded off?
i feel like i just wrote my 100th like, a month ago.
which is probably true.
i've been super dedicated to this lately...

so anyway, i have to finish a left side thing for bio. (i hate this class. i've already done 82 other things for it tonight.)
i also have to read from our bio book. i think i'll skip that.
for economics i have to take notes on a section. and you don't care.
oh, and i have an english test tomorrow. i should study for that. "but abby, i still don't care!"
i realize that. sorry.

i have a 90% in english at le momento.
if i don't do swell on this test, i'll probably drop below that. which would be stupid.
this is the first time i've had an A in level 4 english (:

...

i dashed away because my dad came home and i wanted him to see that i was being productive (:

anyway...
so i'm not doing so well in bio and french.
but i'm totally rocking everything else.
which doesn't even make sense... but whatever.

thanks for celebrating my 149th post with me (:

moral of the story: 149. new milestone!

so this is me swallowing my pride

and this is the part of life i like to call: responding.


first of all, it amazes me how i can listen to a taylor swift song, even now, and analyze every piece of it.
because of certain people, i've learned to look for certain things in artist's.

making songs that sound that same just works for taylor.
people still like her. people still buy her albums. it's just us that realize that they're all the same and about the same thing.

"stop and stare, i think i'm moving but i go nowhere. and i know that everyone gets scared. but i've become what i can't be."

oh, can you see what i see?

i'm supposed to be writing a response paper.
i get so distracted.
maybe i stopped trying because i just got a 90% on a test.
i realized that i've been rocking at school.
and here's the part where i stop caring.
here's the part where i slack.
why does that have to happen?
why can't i always be challenged?
i take that back... i like understanding things.

also, i look like a bit of a mess currently.
and i came to the realization that i don't care.
i'm in the comfort of my own home... if i'm a mess it doesn't really matter.

"you gave me roses and i left them there to die."
ouch.
you know what else?
things aren't the same.
and i'm not okay with it.
mehh.

moral of the story: i have to finish responding.

in this moment now; capture it, remember it.

and this is the part of life i like to call: days off.

i don't know how to explain what i've been feeling lately; story of my life, right?
well, it's been a combination of confusion and happiness.
i guess this is a good thing? except when i think about things too much. then comes the frustration and sadness.
but everything will be okay.
at least that's what i keep telling myself.
and i'm starting to believe it... so it must be true.
once this whole thing is over with, i can finally get back to normal abby.
maybe i'll actually get things accomplished.

something that scared me:
next year. just thinking ahead is frightening.
next year all of these people that i see everyday won't be around anymore.
and i'll most likely be section leader?
like, what?
i can't fill those shoes.
which reminds me that i need to practice major.

i also have economics, bio, english, geometry, and french homework.
ha, love it.

glee's on tonight. but it's not even a new one because their schedule has been sucking.

and yeah.
almost at my 150th post, which will also not be a big deal.

moral of the story: i can't believe i've already done about 50 posts in like a quarter of the time it took me to write 100.

the holiday.

Iris: This was a really close call. You know, I never really though I'd say this, literally never, but I think you were absolutely right about us. Very square peg, very round hole.
Jasper: You cannot mean that.
Iris: The great thing is I actually do. And I'm about three years late in telling you this, but nevertheless I need to say it. Jasper. Wait, I need the lights on. Jasper, you have never treated me right. Ever.You broke my heart. And you acted like somehow it was my fault, my misunderstanding, and I was too in love with you to ever be mad at you, so I just punished myself! For years! But you waltzing in here on my lovely Christmas holiday, and telling me that you don't want to lose me whilst you're about to get MARRIED, somehow newly entitles me to say, it's over. This - This twisted, toxic THING between us, is finally finished! I'm miraculously done being in love with you! Ha! I've got a life to start living.

And you're not going to be in it.


and that's the part where i just broke down.
i mean, there were many parts in this movie where i couldn't stand to watch because of how much i wanted something like this in my life, but this part just killed me.
killed. me.
and i just don't ever know what to say.

moral of the story: i can't watch movies. i just cry. at everything.

i didn't forget about you!

and this is the part of life i like to call: recuperating.

so this weekend was a long and eventful one, thankfully.
friday was the halloween football game.
this is where i discovered two thing: never wear a witches hat in october, and never wear a robe if you can avoid it.
a lot of you know that i was dumbledore.
that involved a beard, a wig, a hat, and a big purple robe.
it was windy.
wind + robe + hat = disaster.
haha, and besides wardrobe malfunctions, the show was one big hot mess.
but it'll be okay!

saturday was garrett's birthday party which was both awkward and fun.
mostly fun though!
and a whole lot of laughing (:

and sunday was actual halloween.
i went to church and the play practice. (where i got to sing the solos in my favorite song in the show and was probably the happiest person ever.)
and then from here we went trick or treating in manch.
and then from there we went to h-town.
and fit 7 people into a car that's supposed to only hold 5.
no big deal (:

so yeah. i have a lot of candy in my household at the moment.
it'll be gone in a month of two..
haha

so anyway, i just wanted to apologize for my lack of posts.
if you were home all weekend being lame and not trick or treating and waiting for a blog (which i hope no one did...) then i especially apologize.
been there. trust me.

update: getting over him. day by day. we'll get through this.
scarlet letter is pretty good.
we had to work with liver in bio and i was disgusted.
there was a fire in the bathroom across from the library today. and i almost missed all of my lunch. so thanks whoever started that.
annddddd yeah.

moral of the story: we didn't start the fire. it was always burning since the world was turning.

so this is my life.

and i want you to know that i'm both happy and sad
and i'm still trying to figure out how that can be.

and this is the part of life i like to call: cramming.

56 vocab. words.
bring it on.

my mom went to open house.
and she's proud that my lowest grade is currently an 84%.
i think that's just decent... but those are my standards.

all of my teachers said something along the lines of "blah blah blah, good student, blah blah blah, does her work, blah blah blah blah, participates, blah blah blah, yay!"
but i get that every year.
this isn't a new thing.
i wish that a teacher would say something different for once.
maybe it's because they just don't know who i am so they look at my grade and go "oh she must be a good student!"
bleh. i don't know why that makes me mad... it's not a bad thing.
and i'm sure people would rather get those comments. but whatever.

ms. sears said that i need to proof read my papers.
which is so true because once they're printed i don't look at it again until it's graded and back to us.
but how did she know that i didn't?
she reads minds.

eminence vs. imminence.
impracticable vs. impractical.
why is this ridiculous?
why won't i ever use these words after the test?
gahh.

so things are getting back to the way they used to be.
also, my halloween costume isn't my best...
but the group of us are.
maybe with the beard...
btdubs, i'm dumbledore (:

moral of the story: paramour: n. an illicit lover.

you were everything that's bad for me

make no apologies.
i'm crushed, black and blue
but you know i'd do it all again for you.

and this is the part of life i like to call: the scarlet letter.

so anyway, that song's called all again for you by we the kings.
they got popular in 7th grade and i knew about them in 5th.
i thought i was a pretty cool kid because i knew a band before other people.

i told tj about my current situation.
he thought it was ridiculous...
my neighborhood is just one big family.
and tj's my little brother (:
anyways, it was interesting to have someone to talk to.
someone that asked... and cared about the answer.
he's the only person that really does that for me.

when people ask me for relationship advice i get so confused.
first of all, i've never been in a successful relationship.
i don't know why people think i know everything...
and basically, they're just shoving all of their issues into my face to deal with.
you're big boys and girls... make your own decisions.

i decided to not write a response paper tonight.
that leaves me with 2 weeks to miss.
which is risky :/
but i'd rather write a decent paper than write a whole bunch of random stuff down in paragraph form and pass that in.


I just caught up on my reader response paper for 3 and 4.
now i have to do 5 and 6.
and possibly start my bio homework.
tomorrow's a half day...
maybe she won't even check the homework?
it's also open house which means she could tell my mom that i didn't do the homework.
also, i told my mom not to talk to her about how much i don't like that class.
i did however ask her to ask about the notebooks we have to keep.

"a true friend is the best possession."
"the doors of wisdom are never shut."
-ben franklin

moral of the story: i believe in miracles, they happen all the time.

can't you feel a brand new day?

and this is the part of life i like to call: normal schedule

i went grocery shopping with my mom today.
a junior i know of was bagging our groceries.
it's funny that now when i go to shaw's or hannaford's i'm going to see people i know because juniors are getting jobs.
this kind of blew my mind for a minute.

anyway,
i need to read the scarlet letter.
which isn't even that bad once you put some actual time into it.
it's just the note-taking and the reader response sheets that give me a hard time.
i mean, that's a lot of work.

http://absolutelyxabby.tumblr.com/
listen to the collaboration of songs.
so. good.
i can't explain to you.
excuse the swears... they're from other people.

so yeah, goodnight (:

moral of the story: don't you, bring me, no bad news

in this lifeee.

things i accomplished today:
-wrote 3 and a couple lines of a decent paper that makes sense.
-did my reading response sheet for two chapters
-remember to bring my clarinet home
-didn't cry
-possibly made a few people have better days?
-stayed as positive as possible
-was pretty warm
-smiled a lot
-thought about important things that i don't like to think about and didn't get too upset with myself
-spent about 15 minutes in a classroom with no friends and didn't feel super alone.
-laughed super hard during the assembly and study hall.
-got in touch with people that i haven't talked to in awhile

prayers for duffy, everyone.

goodnightt.

i told you i'm not buletproof

...now you know.

and this is the part of life i like to call: proving myself right.

why do i suck at accomplishing things?
why can't i just write a paper and take a little more time than a night to do it.
why can't i put more thought into these things and get better grades?

"this is the last straw
don't want to hurt anymore."

mr. duffy had a supposed heart-attack today.
whatever it was, it was scary
and i was nearby when it happened.
and i don't know why i felt so traumatized... i've never had him.
i've heard many stories. he seems like the best teacher at central.
and he'll pull through. he's a champion.

anyway,
i need to write a paper on how the native americans are way better than the puritans. and how their writing styles are different.
but i'll probably be back when i need a break from my thoughts.

moral of the story: pepsi + muffin = not so good...

"like a boss"

what does that even mean?
why do people insist on being ridiculous
and saying ridiculous phrases like this.
"that's dope."
"mad nasty"
"like a boss!"
i don't understand.

anywayyy
and this is the part of life i like to call: procrastinating.

it sucks that i've done so much this weekend but it's still not enough.
that i've felt soo good about myself, but it still doesn't matter.
so i'm going to go read the scarlet letter.
and then tomorrow i'll be here stressing about a paper that i have to write.
and stressing about how i should've done it today.
but i honestly didn't have a whole bunch of time to get much accomplished.
i'm glad i did everything that i needed too yestarday.
no stress today.
double stress tomorrow.

so i got my part in the play.
i'm a grandmother... obviously.
and so i have to be made up like a grandmother
but that means that i can't be in any other parts of the play
because that would look weird.
which also means i can't have the solo that i've been dieing for.
and legit sing every single day.
and it's upsetting.
but i'll get over it.
obviously... it's not a big deal.
even though it's my last year in the play.
whatever.
no big deal.

we currently have 3 bags of apples in my kitchen.
none of which i got.
and i really wanted to go apple picking.
but it's a little late now.
also, i want to go on the haunted hayride at charmingfare.
but that won't happen either.
because people other people don't have time.

this weekend's halloween.
and i still don't have my costume together.
and i need to ask meg for her beard, haha.

my mom asked me if she could read my blog.
i said "uhh, it depends."
i don't know if i should let her.
i mean, i can't stop her.
at least she had the decency to ask
that was nice.
but she's a nice person so it makes sense.

moral of the story: i need to go read. when i would rather be reading a book for myself where i don't have to take notes and answer questions about it. whatever. you can't always get what you want.

music starts playing like the end of a sad movie

it's the kind of ending you don't really want to see.

&+ we know it's never simple never easy.
never a clean break, no one here to save me.
you're the only thing i know like the back of my hand.
(even if you don't like her, you know that she's written a song that relates to your life. and you just don't want to admit it.)

and this is the part of life i like to call: saturdays that feel like sundays but they aren't.

i've finished all of my economics homework and written two papers today.
i'm pretty proud of myself, not gunna lie.
since field hockey is over, i've bee super productive.
something's come over me
and i like it. (:

also, it's always an adventure when i put my entire itunes library on shuffle. (not that i have a lot of songs.. because i don't. but entire meaning not a playlist. haha)
but when it's on shuffle, any random song you think of could come on
it's pretty fun to see what'll be next.
i went through this phase in like 6th grade where i just listened to hip-hop.
it's pretty funny actually.
so i have all of these lame songs.
have you ever heard of fresh azmiz?
yeah, i have.
and i know all the words. still. to this day.
love it (:

also, have faith in me - a day to remember.
listen to it.
thankss (:

i like having a tumblr.
especially on days like this.
the people i'm following post new things every thirty seconds (:
there's always something to keep up with!
and always good music (:

so basically, today's just been a good day you guys!
how was your day?
was it spectacular?
did you accomplish a lot?
did you look as disgusting as i did and not even care?
i hope so (: (except the looking disgusting thing... unless you didn't care.)

moral of the story: saturday!
smiley face count: 4!
exclamation point count: 4
question mark count: 5. way to ruin the trend.

ring the bells.

that's the best part
the outside is new
now it reflects what's already in you
couldn't change that if i wanted to
and i do not.

our long awaited
wonderful Savior has come to deliver us out of the darkness
and into this marvelous love that has given us light
new light. ♥

and this is the part of life i like to call: weekend!

so i took a nap when i got home while i was watching evan almighty.
and i fell asleep right at the end.
it turns out that evan almighty was on like eight times in a row...
so when i woke up two hours later, it was at the same point.
and that's kind of funny (:

also, my parents went away for their honeymoon.
so corey and i are just chilling by ourselves this weekend.
house party anyone?
ha, just kidding.
don't show up at my house.
i have a lot to do this weekend.

so i've gotten a 9/10 on every response paper i've done so far.
that's 4.
and that's kind of annoying.
but i guess once you average all of those out it's a 90% for a project grade.
and i'm ok with that!
i really like ms. sears.
and i have a feeling this class will be super awesome.
and i'll have to push myself, but it'll be worth it.

english is my strong-suit.
i want to be an english teacher.
or just an elementary school teacher where you teach a little of everything.
that would be fun too!

ok, enough for tonight (:

moral of the story: shine your light; shine it bright!

my doctor says i have a faint heartbeat....

this isn't a medical condition... she said it's actually normal.
but i just thought it was a little weird.
i mean, i can hear my heart beating sometimes...
i just don't know.

and this is the part of life i like to call: homework.

so i have to copy notes for bio.
4 pages of notes.
and we have to make them as flip pages.
and i hate that class.

i also have to define 56 vocab words for english.
no big deal.

this weekend, my parents are going away for their anniversary.
here's my list of things to do:
-catch up on sleep.
-clean my room
-write my thesis paper and reflection for bio.
-start my american lit paper.
-other homework.
-make a post-it note collage on my wall
-sleep some more.
-watch hercules.

i have a pretty booked weekend.
this is the first one that i don't have anything really SET in stone.
i can change it if i want to.
these are just things i need to accomplish.

ok, thanks for watching me get organized... haha

moral of the story: gravity. sara bareilles. 3 days straight. awwww yeahh (:

really?

and this is the part of life i like to call: frustration.

ha, fail.
i just posted that first line...
that would've been a good entry.

anyway, i'm just super confused.
i don't know what to do anymore.
i also don't know what to think.
oh, and did i mention that i have a ton of bio homework still?
no big deal...
what if i just didn't do this one?
i mean, it would be the first one...
i feel like she would loose respect for me.
you know how when you don't do your homework and your teacher gives you their best "i'm disappointed in you" face?
i hate that.
it makes me feel so bad about myself.

moral of the story: i don't have time to make this a good one.

p.s. back in january, i posted this exact thing
"why does everything you say melt my heart?
i should really separate myself from you... it's going to start to be an issue soon.
i realize i can't have you.
why does that make me want you more?


" no, you shouldn't be in the middle. you deserve better than that."
thank you for that. i needed it.
but stop confusing me damnit!
ugh."

totally foreshadowed my life.
i knew this was going to happen.

i just wanted to say...

and this is the part of life i like to call: saying things that need to be said to certain people.

1. i just wanted to say that i love you.
and even on those days where you feel like no one's there and understands,
i'm there. i understand.
because i've been there.
often.
and don't worry, because there's always tomorrow.
keep moving forward.
and remember that it gets better.

2. in your attempt to not hurt me, you did.
and it's not so much your fault as it is mine.
and i'll try to just stay away from this subject as much as possible after this.
there's just a few last things to be said.
i've liked you longer than you know.
longer than a lot of people know.
so this is hard for me because i've grown accustomed to this feeling.
but now i'll just have to recreate a different feeling.
one from a last year.
one that was still nice. it just wasn't what i wanted.
i'm ok with how this worked out though.
i'm ok with not being everything i wanted to be.
and it'll take me a month or two... but i'll get over this.
i'll get over this thought; this reoccurring theme.
it'll happen.

3. i miss you so much. and i don't even know what there is to miss.
i really look up to you for everything you are.
i regret not getting to know you earlier in the year.
i also regret not talking to you every chance i get.
come back <333

i think that's good for today.
i'll do other things like this.
other "shout outs" to people.
anonymously of course... haha

moral of the story: here i am, and i stand so tall.

gravity - sara bareilles ♥

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're on to me, on to me, and all over...
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.

moral of the story: you should listen to this song. right now.

i'm done.

and this is the part of life i like to call: giving in.

so many awkward conversations could've happened.
instead, we both know that we've been ignoring the elephant in the room.
and i guess i was okay with that.
i mean, i didn't want anyone to know.
but now i just can't deal with this anymore.
and i'll give up.
just like you want me to.
and just like other people want me to.
because that's how my life works.

and it goes on and on and on.

i fell up the stairs today for the second time this year.
but today, let's call him justin,attempted to catch me.
hahahahahaha, what a great experience.
i mean, i don't get embarrassed when these things happen.
because frankly, i'm a mess.
and i'm aware of my messiness.
and how clumsy and awkward i am.
but poor justin.
he just wasn't aware of my insane clumsiness.
so i just got up and laughed it off.
and justin goes "i tried to catch you... but it just didn't work out."
and i said "it's all good!"
and then we both scurried off and it was hilarious.

i figured out a little of how my mind works. (which is reassuring...)
i don't really want to spend a lot of time explaining this to you guys because i don't completely understand it myself.
and we all know how bad i am at forming my thoughts into words and sentences.

ok. i have to study for our american lit. test tomorrow.
and read for bio.
i don't understand how i've been home since like 4 and still haven't finished everything.
i guess my mind's still on field hockey time.

moral of the story: give me a month or two... i'll get over this.

shouldn't a light go on?

doesn't he know that i've had him memorized for so long?
i just don't know.
i should get over this. there's no chance.

and if there were, he hasn't shown any interest or possibility of that happening.
gahhh, this is frustrating.

at this point, liking you is all i know. :/

some serious multi-tasking is going down.

and this is the part of life i like to call: watching other people get into drama

from a bystanders view, this drama is hilarious. hahaha

anyway, at this moment in time i'm listening to music, working on my list of virtues, writing my reflection and trying to do my stock market packet.
clearly i'm skilled.

i need some motivation.
usually if i write here, i'll be pumped to write a paper.
that sounds so weird... but it's true.

also, we played our last legit field hockey game this season.
there's a tournament saturday along with PSAT'S and homecoming... but no big deal.
i could tell people were just done with the season.
also, people were preoccupied with powder-puff on their minds.
again, no big deal.
we all have those days where things aren't working out for them.
mine was today.
this whole week has been a mess actually...
but it's (again) no big deal.
i can deal with all of the things i'm doing now.
i understand how i work
and i get the consequences.

i really need a job.
i need money.
and i need to get this money soon.


industry: always be employed with something; lose no time.
totally being industrious right now.

anyway...
wish me luck?

moral of the story: do not tomorrow what you could today...

even if you're wrong, i'll stand by you.

and this is the part of life i like to call: last home game ):

lately, i've just felt like crying
all the time.
it's not even that i'm sad.
i just have been wanting to cry.
maybe i should watch i am sam soon.
that movie. made me. bawl.
i was almost hyperventilating and whatnot.

it's funny how much people can surprise you.
on the bus ride home today, i had a conversation with one of the potheads.
honestly, i thought all he knew nowadays was weed.
but he's doing really well in school.
and he's not even a bad kid.
i've been on the bus with him forever, so i watched him grow up.
i knew that he wasn't always in the best of places.
but i'm glad to see that everything worked out ok.
so thank you joey for making me realize that you aren't a bad kid.


in other news... tonight's our last home game.
the senior's last last home game. ever.
so it's senior night.
and it's sad for me even though i'm not on varsity.
i really hope people don't cry.

moral of the story: dbjsgnadfbjsjdfbhewbhs

nothing lasts forever; i'm sorry i can't be perfect

and this is the part of life i like to call: i'm so done.

i'm done picking up after people.
i'm done cleaning up other people's messes.
i'm also done being a mother figure. even though that's sort of hypocritical. (see current profile picture. and two blogs back...)

i just want to live for myself. that's basically what i'm trying to say.

oh, i also am not a fan of all of the judgment going on.
i get judged.
people around me get judged.
let me take you on my bus ride. (i can start driving in a month and 8 days.)
so i get on the bus and while we're still at central, all of the boys in the back look at every person that walks by and finds something that they're probably insecure about.
honestly?
one day i even said "how can you judge them? look at you!" which is really mean.
and i regret it.
but let's be honest: no one's perfect. not even close.

that's what this lesson is for english.
that's what we need to understand.
we're only trying to be morally perfect for 5 days and can't do that.
Benjamin Franklin tried to be perfect for longer and then realized what a fool he was.


on another note,
i get lonely really easily.
i also am clingy.
and awkward.
these are only a few of my imperfections...


moral of the story: I try not to think about the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?