i'll stand by you.

i don't know why i get so nervous when i'm driving.

it's not even hard.

and i turned into my driveway today and successfully didn't hit my dad's truck.

that's an accomplishment.

life's a game but it's not fair

i break the rules so i don't care.

i'm feeling pretty good today.

even with my 5 hours of sleep.

even with my 15 hours of homework.

i know that i'm going to be okay.

and i'm going to make it.

and every little thing is gonna be alright

"bleh! brb mai ham is burning!"

what?

oh my goodness...

so i'm very lucky that my research paper book is on sparknotes.

because some people actually have to read theirs all today.

and i'm going to read it

just not for tomorrow. there's no way. (i don't have the initiative.)

we're going to Newick's for my mother's 51st birthday.

is it weird that my parents are in their 50's?

i don't find that weird at all...

all four of my grandparents are still alive and in their 80's.

i also don't find that weird.

a little while i was thinking about how people grieve.

my dad's father has Alzheimer's. he has for a while now.

i realize that he will die eventually.

he may be the first relative for me to experience death.

(is this hurtful? i don't know.)

what bothers me is the uncertainty.

i don't know how i'm going to react or how to react to other people.

i'm scared.

there's nothing to be afriad of though.

he's going to be fine.

he's going to be happier and safer and healthier than ever in his life on earth.

imagine you're in a plane. and you know that it's going to crash.

God will be there as your parachute and bring you safely to the ground.

and that's reassuring.

"Blessed are the meek,

for they shall possess the Earth."

Mark 5:7

the beatitudes are the positive commandments. and therefore i enjoy them.

this has been super random.