i forgot to say out loud, how beautiful you really are to me

this is the part of life i like to call: growing out of things.

so play practice.
it just isn't the same...
haha

clearly i'm to old for this.
this'll be my last year.
that's really sad.

i just don't like when things like this end.
i get super attached to things.
that's a downfall.
i need to learn that things come and go.
and accept the going part.

especially now that my grandfather is in a nursing home.
he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few years ago.
he lived at home with my grandmother.
she does everything for him
she needs a break.
things started to get not so good...
now he has to live in the nursing home.
it's like the notebook.
except he's not coming back ):
it never really occurred to me that bad things are going to happen soon.
just when i get used to something
and it starts to make sense
and there's a rhythm,
everything changes.
left turns.

i can't be without you
you're my perfect little punching bag.
but my heart is
broken.
please don't leave me.

i'm going apple picking tomorrow.
just my mom and i
and it's not going to be awkward because she's my best friend
and i love spending time with her.

college is going to be tough.
she won't be there to pick up my pieces.

maybe that's why i like being a "mother" figure.
i like helping people.
i like being there always.
i like how that makes me feel.

moral of the story: please don't leave me