and i want you to know that i'm both happy and sad
and i'm still trying to figure out how that can be.
and this is the part of life i like to call: cramming.
56 vocab. words.
bring it on.
my mom went to open house.
and she's proud that my lowest grade is currently an 84%.
i think that's just decent... but those are my standards.
all of my teachers said something along the lines of "blah blah blah, good student, blah blah blah, does her work, blah blah blah blah, participates, blah blah blah, yay!"
but i get that every year.
this isn't a new thing.
i wish that a teacher would say something different for once.
maybe it's because they just don't know who i am so they look at my grade and go "oh she must be a good student!"
bleh. i don't know why that makes me mad... it's not a bad thing.
and i'm sure people would rather get those comments. but whatever.
ms. sears said that i need to proof read my papers.
which is so true because once they're printed i don't look at it again until it's graded and back to us.
but how did she know that i didn't?
she reads minds.
eminence vs. imminence.
impracticable vs. impractical.
why is this ridiculous?
why won't i ever use these words after the test?
gahh.
so things are getting back to the way they used to be.
also, my halloween costume isn't my best...
but the group of us are.
maybe with the beard...
btdubs, i'm dumbledore (:
moral of the story: paramour: n. an illicit lover.
10.28.2010
10.27.2010
you were everything that's bad for me
make no apologies.
i'm crushed, black and blue
but you know i'd do it all again for you.
and this is the part of life i like to call: the scarlet letter.
so anyway, that song's called all again for you by we the kings.
they got popular in 7th grade and i knew about them in 5th.
i thought i was a pretty cool kid because i knew a band before other people.
i told tj about my current situation.
he thought it was ridiculous...
my neighborhood is just one big family.
and tj's my little brother (:
anyways, it was interesting to have someone to talk to.
someone that asked... and cared about the answer.
he's the only person that really does that for me.
when people ask me for relationship advice i get so confused.
first of all, i've never been in a successful relationship.
i don't know why people think i know everything...
and basically, they're just shoving all of their issues into my face to deal with.
you're big boys and girls... make your own decisions.
i decided to not write a response paper tonight.
that leaves me with 2 weeks to miss.
which is risky :/
but i'd rather write a decent paper than write a whole bunch of random stuff down in paragraph form and pass that in.
I just caught up on my reader response paper for 3 and 4.
now i have to do 5 and 6.
and possibly start my bio homework.
tomorrow's a half day...
maybe she won't even check the homework?
it's also open house which means she could tell my mom that i didn't do the homework.
also, i told my mom not to talk to her about how much i don't like that class.
i did however ask her to ask about the notebooks we have to keep.
"a true friend is the best possession."
"the doors of wisdom are never shut."
-ben franklin
moral of the story: i believe in miracles, they happen all the time.
i'm crushed, black and blue
but you know i'd do it all again for you.
and this is the part of life i like to call: the scarlet letter.
so anyway, that song's called all again for you by we the kings.
they got popular in 7th grade and i knew about them in 5th.
i thought i was a pretty cool kid because i knew a band before other people.
i told tj about my current situation.
he thought it was ridiculous...
my neighborhood is just one big family.
and tj's my little brother (:
anyways, it was interesting to have someone to talk to.
someone that asked... and cared about the answer.
he's the only person that really does that for me.
when people ask me for relationship advice i get so confused.
first of all, i've never been in a successful relationship.
i don't know why people think i know everything...
and basically, they're just shoving all of their issues into my face to deal with.
you're big boys and girls... make your own decisions.
i decided to not write a response paper tonight.
that leaves me with 2 weeks to miss.
which is risky :/
but i'd rather write a decent paper than write a whole bunch of random stuff down in paragraph form and pass that in.
I just caught up on my reader response paper for 3 and 4.
now i have to do 5 and 6.
and possibly start my bio homework.
tomorrow's a half day...
maybe she won't even check the homework?
it's also open house which means she could tell my mom that i didn't do the homework.
also, i told my mom not to talk to her about how much i don't like that class.
i did however ask her to ask about the notebooks we have to keep.
"a true friend is the best possession."
"the doors of wisdom are never shut."
-ben franklin
moral of the story: i believe in miracles, they happen all the time.
10.26.2010
can't you feel a brand new day?
and this is the part of life i like to call: normal schedule
i went grocery shopping with my mom today.
a junior i know of was bagging our groceries.
it's funny that now when i go to shaw's or hannaford's i'm going to see people i know because juniors are getting jobs.
this kind of blew my mind for a minute.
anyway,
i need to read the scarlet letter.
which isn't even that bad once you put some actual time into it.
it's just the note-taking and the reader response sheets that give me a hard time.
i mean, that's a lot of work.
http://absolutelyxabby.tumblr.com/
listen to the collaboration of songs.
so. good.
i can't explain to you.
excuse the swears... they're from other people.
so yeah, goodnight (:
moral of the story: don't you, bring me, no bad news
i went grocery shopping with my mom today.
a junior i know of was bagging our groceries.
it's funny that now when i go to shaw's or hannaford's i'm going to see people i know because juniors are getting jobs.
this kind of blew my mind for a minute.
anyway,
i need to read the scarlet letter.
which isn't even that bad once you put some actual time into it.
it's just the note-taking and the reader response sheets that give me a hard time.
i mean, that's a lot of work.
http://absolutelyxabby.tumblr.com/
listen to the collaboration of songs.
so. good.
i can't explain to you.
excuse the swears... they're from other people.
so yeah, goodnight (:
moral of the story: don't you, bring me, no bad news
10.25.2010
in this lifeee.
things i accomplished today:
-wrote 3 and a couple lines of a decent paper that makes sense.
-did my reading response sheet for two chapters
-remember to bring my clarinet home
-didn't cry
-possibly made a few people have better days?
-stayed as positive as possible
-was pretty warm
-smiled a lot
-thought about important things that i don't like to think about and didn't get too upset with myself
-spent about 15 minutes in a classroom with no friends and didn't feel super alone.
-laughed super hard during the assembly and study hall.
-got in touch with people that i haven't talked to in awhile
prayers for duffy, everyone.
goodnightt.
-wrote 3 and a couple lines of a decent paper that makes sense.
-did my reading response sheet for two chapters
-remember to bring my clarinet home
-didn't cry
-possibly made a few people have better days?
-stayed as positive as possible
-was pretty warm
-smiled a lot
-thought about important things that i don't like to think about and didn't get too upset with myself
-spent about 15 minutes in a classroom with no friends and didn't feel super alone.
-laughed super hard during the assembly and study hall.
-got in touch with people that i haven't talked to in awhile
prayers for duffy, everyone.
goodnightt.
i told you i'm not buletproof
...now you know.
and this is the part of life i like to call: proving myself right.
why do i suck at accomplishing things?
why can't i just write a paper and take a little more time than a night to do it.
why can't i put more thought into these things and get better grades?
"this is the last straw
don't want to hurt anymore."
mr. duffy had a supposed heart-attack today.
whatever it was, it was scary
and i was nearby when it happened.
and i don't know why i felt so traumatized... i've never had him.
i've heard many stories. he seems like the best teacher at central.
and he'll pull through. he's a champion.
anyway,
i need to write a paper on how the native americans are way better than the puritans. and how their writing styles are different.
but i'll probably be back when i need a break from my thoughts.
moral of the story: pepsi + muffin = not so good...
and this is the part of life i like to call: proving myself right.
why do i suck at accomplishing things?
why can't i just write a paper and take a little more time than a night to do it.
why can't i put more thought into these things and get better grades?
"this is the last straw
don't want to hurt anymore."
mr. duffy had a supposed heart-attack today.
whatever it was, it was scary
and i was nearby when it happened.
and i don't know why i felt so traumatized... i've never had him.
i've heard many stories. he seems like the best teacher at central.
and he'll pull through. he's a champion.
anyway,
i need to write a paper on how the native americans are way better than the puritans. and how their writing styles are different.
but i'll probably be back when i need a break from my thoughts.
moral of the story: pepsi + muffin = not so good...
10.24.2010
"like a boss"
what does that even mean?
why do people insist on being ridiculous
and saying ridiculous phrases like this.
"that's dope."
"mad nasty"
"like a boss!"
i don't understand.
anywayyy
and this is the part of life i like to call: procrastinating.
it sucks that i've done so much this weekend but it's still not enough.
that i've felt soo good about myself, but it still doesn't matter.
so i'm going to go read the scarlet letter.
and then tomorrow i'll be here stressing about a paper that i have to write.
and stressing about how i should've done it today.
but i honestly didn't have a whole bunch of time to get much accomplished.
i'm glad i did everything that i needed too yestarday.
no stress today.
double stress tomorrow.
so i got my part in the play.
i'm a grandmother... obviously.
and so i have to be made up like a grandmother
but that means that i can't be in any other parts of the play
because that would look weird.
which also means i can't have the solo that i've been dieing for.
and legit sing every single day.
and it's upsetting.
but i'll get over it.
obviously... it's not a big deal.
even though it's my last year in the play.
whatever.
no big deal.
we currently have 3 bags of apples in my kitchen.
none of which i got.
and i really wanted to go apple picking.
but it's a little late now.
also, i want to go on the haunted hayride at charmingfare.
but that won't happen either.
because people other people don't have time.
this weekend's halloween.
and i still don't have my costume together.
and i need to ask meg for her beard, haha.
my mom asked me if she could read my blog.
i said "uhh, it depends."
i don't know if i should let her.
i mean, i can't stop her.
at least she had the decency to ask
that was nice.
but she's a nice person so it makes sense.
moral of the story: i need to go read. when i would rather be reading a book for myself where i don't have to take notes and answer questions about it. whatever. you can't always get what you want.
why do people insist on being ridiculous
and saying ridiculous phrases like this.
"that's dope."
"mad nasty"
"like a boss!"
i don't understand.
anywayyy
and this is the part of life i like to call: procrastinating.
it sucks that i've done so much this weekend but it's still not enough.
that i've felt soo good about myself, but it still doesn't matter.
so i'm going to go read the scarlet letter.
and then tomorrow i'll be here stressing about a paper that i have to write.
and stressing about how i should've done it today.
but i honestly didn't have a whole bunch of time to get much accomplished.
i'm glad i did everything that i needed too yestarday.
no stress today.
double stress tomorrow.
so i got my part in the play.
i'm a grandmother... obviously.
and so i have to be made up like a grandmother
but that means that i can't be in any other parts of the play
because that would look weird.
which also means i can't have the solo that i've been dieing for.
and legit sing every single day.
and it's upsetting.
but i'll get over it.
obviously... it's not a big deal.
even though it's my last year in the play.
whatever.
no big deal.
we currently have 3 bags of apples in my kitchen.
none of which i got.
and i really wanted to go apple picking.
but it's a little late now.
also, i want to go on the haunted hayride at charmingfare.
but that won't happen either.
because people other people don't have time.
this weekend's halloween.
and i still don't have my costume together.
and i need to ask meg for her beard, haha.
my mom asked me if she could read my blog.
i said "uhh, it depends."
i don't know if i should let her.
i mean, i can't stop her.
at least she had the decency to ask
that was nice.
but she's a nice person so it makes sense.
moral of the story: i need to go read. when i would rather be reading a book for myself where i don't have to take notes and answer questions about it. whatever. you can't always get what you want.
10.23.2010
music starts playing like the end of a sad movie
it's the kind of ending you don't really want to see.
&+ we know it's never simple never easy.
never a clean break, no one here to save me.
you're the only thing i know like the back of my hand.
(even if you don't like her, you know that she's written a song that relates to your life. and you just don't want to admit it.)
and this is the part of life i like to call: saturdays that feel like sundays but they aren't.
i've finished all of my economics homework and written two papers today.
i'm pretty proud of myself, not gunna lie.
since field hockey is over, i've bee super productive.
something's come over me
and i like it. (:
also, it's always an adventure when i put my entire itunes library on shuffle. (not that i have a lot of songs.. because i don't. but entire meaning not a playlist. haha)
but when it's on shuffle, any random song you think of could come on
it's pretty fun to see what'll be next.
i went through this phase in like 6th grade where i just listened to hip-hop.
it's pretty funny actually.
so i have all of these lame songs.
have you ever heard of fresh azmiz?
yeah, i have.
and i know all the words. still. to this day.
love it (:
also, have faith in me - a day to remember.
listen to it.
thankss (:
i like having a tumblr.
especially on days like this.
the people i'm following post new things every thirty seconds (:
there's always something to keep up with!
and always good music (:
so basically, today's just been a good day you guys!
how was your day?
was it spectacular?
did you accomplish a lot?
did you look as disgusting as i did and not even care?
i hope so (: (except the looking disgusting thing... unless you didn't care.)
moral of the story: saturday!
smiley face count: 4!
exclamation point count: 4
question mark count: 5. way to ruin the trend.
&+ we know it's never simple never easy.
never a clean break, no one here to save me.
you're the only thing i know like the back of my hand.
(even if you don't like her, you know that she's written a song that relates to your life. and you just don't want to admit it.)
and this is the part of life i like to call: saturdays that feel like sundays but they aren't.
i've finished all of my economics homework and written two papers today.
i'm pretty proud of myself, not gunna lie.
since field hockey is over, i've bee super productive.
something's come over me
and i like it. (:
also, it's always an adventure when i put my entire itunes library on shuffle. (not that i have a lot of songs.. because i don't. but entire meaning not a playlist. haha)
but when it's on shuffle, any random song you think of could come on
it's pretty fun to see what'll be next.
i went through this phase in like 6th grade where i just listened to hip-hop.
it's pretty funny actually.
so i have all of these lame songs.
have you ever heard of fresh azmiz?
yeah, i have.
and i know all the words. still. to this day.
love it (:
also, have faith in me - a day to remember.
listen to it.
thankss (:
i like having a tumblr.
especially on days like this.
the people i'm following post new things every thirty seconds (:
there's always something to keep up with!
and always good music (:
so basically, today's just been a good day you guys!
how was your day?
was it spectacular?
did you accomplish a lot?
did you look as disgusting as i did and not even care?
i hope so (: (except the looking disgusting thing... unless you didn't care.)
moral of the story: saturday!
smiley face count: 4!
exclamation point count: 4
question mark count: 5. way to ruin the trend.
10.22.2010
ring the bells.
that's the best part
the outside is new
now it reflects what's already in you
couldn't change that if i wanted to
and i do not.
our long awaited
wonderful Savior has come to deliver us out of the darkness
and into this marvelous love that has given us light
new light. ♥
and this is the part of life i like to call: weekend!
so i took a nap when i got home while i was watching evan almighty.
and i fell asleep right at the end.
it turns out that evan almighty was on like eight times in a row...
so when i woke up two hours later, it was at the same point.
and that's kind of funny (:
also, my parents went away for their honeymoon.
so corey and i are just chilling by ourselves this weekend.
house party anyone?
ha, just kidding.
don't show up at my house.
i have a lot to do this weekend.
so i've gotten a 9/10 on every response paper i've done so far.
that's 4.
and that's kind of annoying.
but i guess once you average all of those out it's a 90% for a project grade.
and i'm ok with that!
i really like ms. sears.
and i have a feeling this class will be super awesome.
and i'll have to push myself, but it'll be worth it.
english is my strong-suit.
i want to be an english teacher.
or just an elementary school teacher where you teach a little of everything.
that would be fun too!
ok, enough for tonight (:
moral of the story: shine your light; shine it bright!
the outside is new
now it reflects what's already in you
couldn't change that if i wanted to
and i do not.
our long awaited
wonderful Savior has come to deliver us out of the darkness
and into this marvelous love that has given us light
new light. ♥
and this is the part of life i like to call: weekend!
so i took a nap when i got home while i was watching evan almighty.
and i fell asleep right at the end.
it turns out that evan almighty was on like eight times in a row...
so when i woke up two hours later, it was at the same point.
and that's kind of funny (:
also, my parents went away for their honeymoon.
so corey and i are just chilling by ourselves this weekend.
house party anyone?
ha, just kidding.
don't show up at my house.
i have a lot to do this weekend.
so i've gotten a 9/10 on every response paper i've done so far.
that's 4.
and that's kind of annoying.
but i guess once you average all of those out it's a 90% for a project grade.
and i'm ok with that!
i really like ms. sears.
and i have a feeling this class will be super awesome.
and i'll have to push myself, but it'll be worth it.
english is my strong-suit.
i want to be an english teacher.
or just an elementary school teacher where you teach a little of everything.
that would be fun too!
ok, enough for tonight (:
moral of the story: shine your light; shine it bright!
10.21.2010
my doctor says i have a faint heartbeat....
this isn't a medical condition... she said it's actually normal.
but i just thought it was a little weird.
i mean, i can hear my heart beating sometimes...
i just don't know.
and this is the part of life i like to call: homework.
so i have to copy notes for bio.
4 pages of notes.
and we have to make them as flip pages.
and i hate that class.
i also have to define 56 vocab words for english.
no big deal.
this weekend, my parents are going away for their anniversary.
here's my list of things to do:
-catch up on sleep.
-clean my room
-write my thesis paper and reflection for bio.
-start my american lit paper.
-other homework.
-make a post-it note collage on my wall
-sleep some more.
-watch hercules.
i have a pretty booked weekend.
this is the first one that i don't have anything really SET in stone.
i can change it if i want to.
these are just things i need to accomplish.
ok, thanks for watching me get organized... haha
moral of the story: gravity. sara bareilles. 3 days straight. awwww yeahh (:
but i just thought it was a little weird.
i mean, i can hear my heart beating sometimes...
i just don't know.
and this is the part of life i like to call: homework.
so i have to copy notes for bio.
4 pages of notes.
and we have to make them as flip pages.
and i hate that class.
i also have to define 56 vocab words for english.
no big deal.
this weekend, my parents are going away for their anniversary.
here's my list of things to do:
-catch up on sleep.
-clean my room
-write my thesis paper and reflection for bio.
-start my american lit paper.
-other homework.
-make a post-it note collage on my wall
-sleep some more.
-watch hercules.
i have a pretty booked weekend.
this is the first one that i don't have anything really SET in stone.
i can change it if i want to.
these are just things i need to accomplish.
ok, thanks for watching me get organized... haha
moral of the story: gravity. sara bareilles. 3 days straight. awwww yeahh (:
10.20.2010
really?
and this is the part of life i like to call: frustration.
ha, fail.
i just posted that first line...
that would've been a good entry.
anyway, i'm just super confused.
i don't know what to do anymore.
i also don't know what to think.
oh, and did i mention that i have a ton of bio homework still?
no big deal...
what if i just didn't do this one?
i mean, it would be the first one...
i feel like she would loose respect for me.
you know how when you don't do your homework and your teacher gives you their best "i'm disappointed in you" face?
i hate that.
it makes me feel so bad about myself.
moral of the story: i don't have time to make this a good one.
p.s. back in january, i posted this exact thing
"why does everything you say melt my heart?
i should really separate myself from you... it's going to start to be an issue soon.
i realize i can't have you.
why does that make me want you more?
" no, you shouldn't be in the middle. you deserve better than that."
thank you for that. i needed it.
but stop confusing me damnit!
ugh."
totally foreshadowed my life.
i knew this was going to happen.
ha, fail.
i just posted that first line...
that would've been a good entry.
anyway, i'm just super confused.
i don't know what to do anymore.
i also don't know what to think.
oh, and did i mention that i have a ton of bio homework still?
no big deal...
what if i just didn't do this one?
i mean, it would be the first one...
i feel like she would loose respect for me.
you know how when you don't do your homework and your teacher gives you their best "i'm disappointed in you" face?
i hate that.
it makes me feel so bad about myself.
moral of the story: i don't have time to make this a good one.
p.s. back in january, i posted this exact thing
"why does everything you say melt my heart?
i should really separate myself from you... it's going to start to be an issue soon.
i realize i can't have you.
why does that make me want you more?
" no, you shouldn't be in the middle. you deserve better than that."
thank you for that. i needed it.
but stop confusing me damnit!
ugh."
totally foreshadowed my life.
i knew this was going to happen.
10.19.2010
i just wanted to say...
and this is the part of life i like to call: saying things that need to be said to certain people.
1. i just wanted to say that i love you.
and even on those days where you feel like no one's there and understands,
i'm there. i understand.
because i've been there.
often.
and don't worry, because there's always tomorrow.
keep moving forward.
and remember that it gets better.
2. in your attempt to not hurt me, you did.
and it's not so much your fault as it is mine.
and i'll try to just stay away from this subject as much as possible after this.
there's just a few last things to be said.
i've liked you longer than you know.
longer than a lot of people know.
so this is hard for me because i've grown accustomed to this feeling.
but now i'll just have to recreate a different feeling.
one from a last year.
one that was still nice. it just wasn't what i wanted.
i'm ok with how this worked out though.
i'm ok with not being everything i wanted to be.
and it'll take me a month or two... but i'll get over this.
i'll get over this thought; this reoccurring theme.
it'll happen.
3. i miss you so much. and i don't even know what there is to miss.
i really look up to you for everything you are.
i regret not getting to know you earlier in the year.
i also regret not talking to you every chance i get.
come back <333
i think that's good for today.
i'll do other things like this.
other "shout outs" to people.
anonymously of course... haha
moral of the story: here i am, and i stand so tall.
1. i just wanted to say that i love you.
and even on those days where you feel like no one's there and understands,
i'm there. i understand.
because i've been there.
often.
and don't worry, because there's always tomorrow.
keep moving forward.
and remember that it gets better.
2. in your attempt to not hurt me, you did.
and it's not so much your fault as it is mine.
and i'll try to just stay away from this subject as much as possible after this.
there's just a few last things to be said.
i've liked you longer than you know.
longer than a lot of people know.
so this is hard for me because i've grown accustomed to this feeling.
but now i'll just have to recreate a different feeling.
one from a last year.
one that was still nice. it just wasn't what i wanted.
i'm ok with how this worked out though.
i'm ok with not being everything i wanted to be.
and it'll take me a month or two... but i'll get over this.
i'll get over this thought; this reoccurring theme.
it'll happen.
3. i miss you so much. and i don't even know what there is to miss.
i really look up to you for everything you are.
i regret not getting to know you earlier in the year.
i also regret not talking to you every chance i get.
come back <333
i think that's good for today.
i'll do other things like this.
other "shout outs" to people.
anonymously of course... haha
moral of the story: here i am, and i stand so tall.
gravity - sara bareilles ♥
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.
You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.
I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're on to me, on to me, and all over...
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
moral of the story: you should listen to this song. right now.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.
You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.
I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're on to me, on to me, and all over...
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
moral of the story: you should listen to this song. right now.
10.18.2010
i'm done.
and this is the part of life i like to call: giving in.
so many awkward conversations could've happened.
instead, we both know that we've been ignoring the elephant in the room.
and i guess i was okay with that.
i mean, i didn't want anyone to know.
but now i just can't deal with this anymore.
and i'll give up.
just like you want me to.
and just like other people want me to.
because that's how my life works.
and it goes on and on and on.
i fell up the stairs today for the second time this year.
but today, let's call him justin,attempted to catch me.
hahahahahaha, what a great experience.
i mean, i don't get embarrassed when these things happen.
because frankly, i'm a mess.
and i'm aware of my messiness.
and how clumsy and awkward i am.
but poor justin.
he just wasn't aware of my insane clumsiness.
so i just got up and laughed it off.
and justin goes "i tried to catch you... but it just didn't work out."
and i said "it's all good!"
and then we both scurried off and it was hilarious.
i figured out a little of how my mind works. (which is reassuring...)
i don't really want to spend a lot of time explaining this to you guys because i don't completely understand it myself.
and we all know how bad i am at forming my thoughts into words and sentences.
ok. i have to study for our american lit. test tomorrow.
and read for bio.
i don't understand how i've been home since like 4 and still haven't finished everything.
i guess my mind's still on field hockey time.
moral of the story: give me a month or two... i'll get over this.
so many awkward conversations could've happened.
instead, we both know that we've been ignoring the elephant in the room.
and i guess i was okay with that.
i mean, i didn't want anyone to know.
but now i just can't deal with this anymore.
and i'll give up.
just like you want me to.
and just like other people want me to.
because that's how my life works.
and it goes on and on and on.
i fell up the stairs today for the second time this year.
but today, let's call him justin,attempted to catch me.
hahahahahaha, what a great experience.
i mean, i don't get embarrassed when these things happen.
because frankly, i'm a mess.
and i'm aware of my messiness.
and how clumsy and awkward i am.
but poor justin.
he just wasn't aware of my insane clumsiness.
so i just got up and laughed it off.
and justin goes "i tried to catch you... but it just didn't work out."
and i said "it's all good!"
and then we both scurried off and it was hilarious.
i figured out a little of how my mind works. (which is reassuring...)
i don't really want to spend a lot of time explaining this to you guys because i don't completely understand it myself.
and we all know how bad i am at forming my thoughts into words and sentences.
ok. i have to study for our american lit. test tomorrow.
and read for bio.
i don't understand how i've been home since like 4 and still haven't finished everything.
i guess my mind's still on field hockey time.
moral of the story: give me a month or two... i'll get over this.
10.15.2010
shouldn't a light go on?
doesn't he know that i've had him memorized for so long?
i just don't know.
i should get over this. there's no chance.
and if there were, he hasn't shown any interest or possibility of that happening.
gahhh, this is frustrating.
at this point, liking you is all i know. :/
i just don't know.
i should get over this. there's no chance.
and if there were, he hasn't shown any interest or possibility of that happening.
gahhh, this is frustrating.
at this point, liking you is all i know. :/
10.14.2010
some serious multi-tasking is going down.
and this is the part of life i like to call: watching other people get into drama
from a bystanders view, this drama is hilarious. hahaha
anyway, at this moment in time i'm listening to music, working on my list of virtues, writing my reflection and trying to do my stock market packet.
clearly i'm skilled.
i need some motivation.
usually if i write here, i'll be pumped to write a paper.
that sounds so weird... but it's true.
also, we played our last legit field hockey game this season.
there's a tournament saturday along with PSAT'S and homecoming... but no big deal.
i could tell people were just done with the season.
also, people were preoccupied with powder-puff on their minds.
again, no big deal.
we all have those days where things aren't working out for them.
mine was today.
this whole week has been a mess actually...
but it's (again) no big deal.
i can deal with all of the things i'm doing now.
i understand how i work
and i get the consequences.
i really need a job.
i need money.
and i need to get this money soon.
industry: always be employed with something; lose no time.
totally being industrious right now.
anyway...
wish me luck?
moral of the story: do not tomorrow what you could today...
from a bystanders view, this drama is hilarious. hahaha
anyway, at this moment in time i'm listening to music, working on my list of virtues, writing my reflection and trying to do my stock market packet.
clearly i'm skilled.
i need some motivation.
usually if i write here, i'll be pumped to write a paper.
that sounds so weird... but it's true.
also, we played our last legit field hockey game this season.
there's a tournament saturday along with PSAT'S and homecoming... but no big deal.
i could tell people were just done with the season.
also, people were preoccupied with powder-puff on their minds.
again, no big deal.
we all have those days where things aren't working out for them.
mine was today.
this whole week has been a mess actually...
but it's (again) no big deal.
i can deal with all of the things i'm doing now.
i understand how i work
and i get the consequences.
i really need a job.
i need money.
and i need to get this money soon.
industry: always be employed with something; lose no time.
totally being industrious right now.
anyway...
wish me luck?
moral of the story: do not tomorrow what you could today...
10.13.2010
even if you're wrong, i'll stand by you.
and this is the part of life i like to call: last home game ):
lately, i've just felt like crying
all the time.
it's not even that i'm sad.
i just have been wanting to cry.
maybe i should watch i am sam soon.
that movie. made me. bawl.
i was almost hyperventilating and whatnot.
it's funny how much people can surprise you.
on the bus ride home today, i had a conversation with one of the potheads.
honestly, i thought all he knew nowadays was weed.
but he's doing really well in school.
and he's not even a bad kid.
i've been on the bus with him forever, so i watched him grow up.
i knew that he wasn't always in the best of places.
but i'm glad to see that everything worked out ok.
so thank you joey for making me realize that you aren't a bad kid.
in other news... tonight's our last home game.
the senior's last last home game. ever.
so it's senior night.
and it's sad for me even though i'm not on varsity.
i really hope people don't cry.
moral of the story: dbjsgnadfbjsjdfbhewbhs
lately, i've just felt like crying
all the time.
it's not even that i'm sad.
i just have been wanting to cry.
maybe i should watch i am sam soon.
that movie. made me. bawl.
i was almost hyperventilating and whatnot.
it's funny how much people can surprise you.
on the bus ride home today, i had a conversation with one of the potheads.
honestly, i thought all he knew nowadays was weed.
but he's doing really well in school.
and he's not even a bad kid.
i've been on the bus with him forever, so i watched him grow up.
i knew that he wasn't always in the best of places.
but i'm glad to see that everything worked out ok.
so thank you joey for making me realize that you aren't a bad kid.
in other news... tonight's our last home game.
the senior's last last home game. ever.
so it's senior night.
and it's sad for me even though i'm not on varsity.
i really hope people don't cry.
moral of the story: dbjsgnadfbjsjdfbhewbhs
10.12.2010
nothing lasts forever; i'm sorry i can't be perfect
and this is the part of life i like to call: i'm so done.
i'm done picking up after people.
i'm done cleaning up other people's messes.
i'm also done being a mother figure. even though that's sort of hypocritical. (see current profile picture. and two blogs back...)
i just want to live for myself. that's basically what i'm trying to say.
oh, i also am not a fan of all of the judgment going on.
i get judged.
people around me get judged.
let me take you on my bus ride. (i can start driving in a month and 8 days.)
so i get on the bus and while we're still at central, all of the boys in the back look at every person that walks by and finds something that they're probably insecure about.
honestly?
one day i even said "how can you judge them? look at you!" which is really mean.
and i regret it.
but let's be honest: no one's perfect. not even close.
that's what this lesson is for english.
that's what we need to understand.
we're only trying to be morally perfect for 5 days and can't do that.
Benjamin Franklin tried to be perfect for longer and then realized what a fool he was.
on another note,
i get lonely really easily.
i also am clingy.
and awkward.
these are only a few of my imperfections...
moral of the story: I try not to think about the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
i'm done picking up after people.
i'm done cleaning up other people's messes.
i'm also done being a mother figure. even though that's sort of hypocritical. (see current profile picture. and two blogs back...)
i just want to live for myself. that's basically what i'm trying to say.
oh, i also am not a fan of all of the judgment going on.
i get judged.
people around me get judged.
let me take you on my bus ride. (i can start driving in a month and 8 days.)
so i get on the bus and while we're still at central, all of the boys in the back look at every person that walks by and finds something that they're probably insecure about.
honestly?
one day i even said "how can you judge them? look at you!" which is really mean.
and i regret it.
but let's be honest: no one's perfect. not even close.
that's what this lesson is for english.
that's what we need to understand.
we're only trying to be morally perfect for 5 days and can't do that.
Benjamin Franklin tried to be perfect for longer and then realized what a fool he was.
on another note,
i get lonely really easily.
i also am clingy.
and awkward.
these are only a few of my imperfections...
moral of the story: I try not to think about the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
10.11.2010
like we used to
and this is the part of life i like to call: am i even allowed to blog due to mp?
(before i explain that...)
double mod b the first day was really interesting.
my mod b is a study hall, so naturally i was in the music department.
we went to the old jazz band room. (we being emily and i to begin with...)
she needed to type something. so we did
and then, kenneth and cam walk in and i can't tell you how much i learned about music.
like, you have no idea.
and it was probably my favorite thing that's happened at school this year
now, mp means moral perfection.
for english, we're keeping a journal of the 13 virtues benjamin franklin established to become morally perfect.
an example of one would be silence unless it benefits the other person.
this includes texting and facebook chat...
so basically that's a super fail right there.
and it's pretty impossible to not give yourself dots throughout the day.
and giving yourself a dot is like punching yourself.
"guess what abby, you suck! you're not perfect!"
haha, not really.
but something like that...
so is this benefiting you?
did you earn something by learning about my favorite experience this year?
or about this project?
probably not.
there goes a dot...
i'm currently listening to simple plan. old school. (i'm just a kid days.)
i also discovered a rocket to the moon today.
maybe i'm just slow... but they're fantastic.
and yeah. i just wanted to blog really quickly.
Squidward: Why do it today, if you have tomorrow?
Spongebob: You do it today because today is yesterday's tomorrow ♥
I always wondered why birds choose to stay in the same
place when they can fly anywhere on earth, then I ask
myself the same question.
moral of the story: i need to shower. and read the declaration...
(before i explain that...)
double mod b the first day was really interesting.
my mod b is a study hall, so naturally i was in the music department.
we went to the old jazz band room. (we being emily and i to begin with...)
she needed to type something. so we did
and then, kenneth and cam walk in and i can't tell you how much i learned about music.
like, you have no idea.
and it was probably my favorite thing that's happened at school this year
now, mp means moral perfection.
for english, we're keeping a journal of the 13 virtues benjamin franklin established to become morally perfect.
an example of one would be silence unless it benefits the other person.
this includes texting and facebook chat...
so basically that's a super fail right there.
and it's pretty impossible to not give yourself dots throughout the day.
and giving yourself a dot is like punching yourself.
"guess what abby, you suck! you're not perfect!"
haha, not really.
but something like that...
so is this benefiting you?
did you earn something by learning about my favorite experience this year?
or about this project?
probably not.
there goes a dot...
i'm currently listening to simple plan. old school. (i'm just a kid days.)
i also discovered a rocket to the moon today.
maybe i'm just slow... but they're fantastic.
and yeah. i just wanted to blog really quickly.
Squidward: Why do it today, if you have tomorrow?
Spongebob: You do it today because today is yesterday's tomorrow ♥
I always wondered why birds choose to stay in the same
place when they can fly anywhere on earth, then I ask
myself the same question.
moral of the story: i need to shower. and read the declaration...
10.10.2010
my name is taylor swift and my song's are all about the same thing...
but i don't care because people still buy my songs.
oh, and this one's old school (:
I don't think that passenger seat
Has ever looked this good to me
He tells me about his night
And I count the colors in his eyes
He'll never fall in love he swears
As he runs his fingers through his hair
I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong
And I don't think it ever crossed his mind
He tells a joke I fake a smile
But I know all his favorite songs
and I could tell you his favorite colors green
He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him, I'd lie
He looks around the room
Innocently overlooks the truth
Shouldn't a light go on?
Doesn't he know I've had him memorized for so long?
He sees everything black and white
Never let nobody see him cry
I don't let nobody see me wishing he was mine
I could tell you his favorite colors green
He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him, I'd lie
He stands there then walks away
My God, if I could only say
I'm holding every breathe for you
He'd never tell you but he can play guitar
I think he can see through everything but my heart
First thought when I wake up is, "My god, he's beautiful"
So I put on my make up and pray for a miracle
Yes, I could tell you his favorite colors green
He loves to argue oh and it kills me
His sisters beautiful he has his father's eyes
And if you asked me if I love him
If you ask me if I love him, I'd lie
moral of the story: i randomly really wanted to listen to this.
don't hate me. sure, old taylor still wasn't good... but she's 18 times better than new taylor.
oh, and this one's old school (:
I don't think that passenger seat
Has ever looked this good to me
He tells me about his night
And I count the colors in his eyes
He'll never fall in love he swears
As he runs his fingers through his hair
I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong
And I don't think it ever crossed his mind
He tells a joke I fake a smile
But I know all his favorite songs
and I could tell you his favorite colors green
He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him, I'd lie
He looks around the room
Innocently overlooks the truth
Shouldn't a light go on?
Doesn't he know I've had him memorized for so long?
He sees everything black and white
Never let nobody see him cry
I don't let nobody see me wishing he was mine
I could tell you his favorite colors green
He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him, I'd lie
He stands there then walks away
My God, if I could only say
I'm holding every breathe for you
He'd never tell you but he can play guitar
I think he can see through everything but my heart
First thought when I wake up is, "My god, he's beautiful"
So I put on my make up and pray for a miracle
Yes, I could tell you his favorite colors green
He loves to argue oh and it kills me
His sisters beautiful he has his father's eyes
And if you asked me if I love him
If you ask me if I love him, I'd lie
moral of the story: i randomly really wanted to listen to this.
don't hate me. sure, old taylor still wasn't good... but she's 18 times better than new taylor.
i forgot to say out loud, how beautiful you really are to me
this is the part of life i like to call: growing out of things.
so play practice.
it just isn't the same...
haha
clearly i'm to old for this.
this'll be my last year.
that's really sad.
i just don't like when things like this end.
i get super attached to things.
that's a downfall.
i need to learn that things come and go.
and accept the going part.
especially now that my grandfather is in a nursing home.
he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few years ago.
he lived at home with my grandmother.
she does everything for him
she needs a break.
things started to get not so good...
now he has to live in the nursing home.
it's like the notebook.
except he's not coming back ):
it never really occurred to me that bad things are going to happen soon.
just when i get used to something
and it starts to make sense
and there's a rhythm,
everything changes.
left turns.
i can't be without you
you're my perfect little punching bag.
but my heart is
broken.
please don't leave me.
i'm going apple picking tomorrow.
just my mom and i
and it's not going to be awkward because she's my best friend
and i love spending time with her.
college is going to be tough.
she won't be there to pick up my pieces.
maybe that's why i like being a "mother" figure.
i like helping people.
i like being there always.
i like how that makes me feel.
moral of the story: please don't leave me
so play practice.
it just isn't the same...
haha
clearly i'm to old for this.
this'll be my last year.
that's really sad.
i just don't like when things like this end.
i get super attached to things.
that's a downfall.
i need to learn that things come and go.
and accept the going part.
especially now that my grandfather is in a nursing home.
he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few years ago.
he lived at home with my grandmother.
she does everything for him
she needs a break.
things started to get not so good...
now he has to live in the nursing home.
it's like the notebook.
except he's not coming back ):
it never really occurred to me that bad things are going to happen soon.
just when i get used to something
and it starts to make sense
and there's a rhythm,
everything changes.
left turns.
i can't be without you
you're my perfect little punching bag.
but my heart is
broken.
please don't leave me.
i'm going apple picking tomorrow.
just my mom and i
and it's not going to be awkward because she's my best friend
and i love spending time with her.
college is going to be tough.
she won't be there to pick up my pieces.
maybe that's why i like being a "mother" figure.
i like helping people.
i like being there always.
i like how that makes me feel.
moral of the story: please don't leave me
10.06.2010
it's always better when we're together
and this is the part of life i like to call: response papers.
In class recently, Ms. Sears has read response papers aloud. As the rest of the class sits anxiously in their seats waiting to see if the paper is theirs or not, I listen intently to learn about other student’s styles. Some of the papers make me feel incompetent about my own writing abilities. Others make me feel on track. That’s the way life works I guess; some people will make you feel small and incapable while others will make you feel like you’re in the right place.
that's my introductory paragraph.
i sort of like it.
it basically explain how i feel during response shares.
i think i'm going to like this class.
i haven't really been in it long enough to make a decision.
i can't finish this though
there are so many things i need to say that i can't put words to.
oh, just so you guys know, one of my biggest pet peeves is being late to something.
it really bothers me.
i've been on time since i was born.
my mother's water broke on exactly midnight on my due date.
right on time.
honestly, right on time.
and if i haven't been, i get nervous and stressed out.
i hate feeling like i missed something.
what's your pet peeve?
i know it's pointless to ask you readers questions.
last time i did that i got maybe 3 responses.
one of which was anonymous.
so if you'd like to answer that, do it.
since some people seem to have an issue with me talking about myself?
i don't understand that.
this is my blog.
don't tell me what to write (:
"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.
Walt Disney "
i love walt disney quotes.
he's a wonderful man
"Crowded classrooms and half-day sessions are a tragic waste of our greatest national resource - the minds of our children."
"I have been up against tough competition all my life. I wouldn't know how to get along without it."
"When you're curious, you find lots of interesting things to do."
i heard that the first NECAP involved writing an essay on curiousity.
ok, i should write this paper now.
no worries.
you've got this.
it gets better.
and everything you know will be ok.
moral of the story: i don't really know... haha
In class recently, Ms. Sears has read response papers aloud. As the rest of the class sits anxiously in their seats waiting to see if the paper is theirs or not, I listen intently to learn about other student’s styles. Some of the papers make me feel incompetent about my own writing abilities. Others make me feel on track. That’s the way life works I guess; some people will make you feel small and incapable while others will make you feel like you’re in the right place.
that's my introductory paragraph.
i sort of like it.
it basically explain how i feel during response shares.
i think i'm going to like this class.
i haven't really been in it long enough to make a decision.
i can't finish this though
there are so many things i need to say that i can't put words to.
oh, just so you guys know, one of my biggest pet peeves is being late to something.
it really bothers me.
i've been on time since i was born.
my mother's water broke on exactly midnight on my due date.
right on time.
honestly, right on time.
and if i haven't been, i get nervous and stressed out.
i hate feeling like i missed something.
what's your pet peeve?
i know it's pointless to ask you readers questions.
last time i did that i got maybe 3 responses.
one of which was anonymous.
so if you'd like to answer that, do it.
since some people seem to have an issue with me talking about myself?
i don't understand that.
this is my blog.
don't tell me what to write (:
"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.
Walt Disney "
i love walt disney quotes.
he's a wonderful man
"Crowded classrooms and half-day sessions are a tragic waste of our greatest national resource - the minds of our children."
"I have been up against tough competition all my life. I wouldn't know how to get along without it."
"When you're curious, you find lots of interesting things to do."
i heard that the first NECAP involved writing an essay on curiousity.
ok, i should write this paper now.
no worries.
you've got this.
it gets better.
and everything you know will be ok.
moral of the story: i don't really know... haha
10.05.2010
10.03.2010
we are young, heartache to heartache we stand
and this is the part of life i like to call: living.
this past weekend i played field hockey, was kidnapped, went to the mall, bought stuff, didn't go to church, marched in the parade, went to play practice, and totally got singled out as a favorite.
so we lost our field hockey game 2-0. which isn't even that bad.
and those girls were so mean. it was ridiculous.
tracey and megan kidnapped me and brought me to the mall. but they blew the secret multiple times before we got there...
haha, it was still a fun time. i got a key necklace. i've wanted one ever since i read the book lock and key. vera got that for me for my birthday (:
the parade wasn't half bad. i mean, the weather was nice and it was short. no big deal.
play practice was alright. ms. sue loves me so much and i'm pretty much the oldest so everything i do is just wonderful to her. and i didn't even raise my hand to cold-read a part and she called on me. even though so many more people were asking for her attention.
also, denise would like to say "if i had a million dollars, i would go on Oprah, then i would meet Tyra Banks and Ellen, then Taylor Lautner, because i love him." i like her (:
ok, that's enough for now.
moral of the story: i love apple pie.
this past weekend i played field hockey, was kidnapped, went to the mall, bought stuff, didn't go to church, marched in the parade, went to play practice, and totally got singled out as a favorite.
so we lost our field hockey game 2-0. which isn't even that bad.
and those girls were so mean. it was ridiculous.
tracey and megan kidnapped me and brought me to the mall. but they blew the secret multiple times before we got there...
haha, it was still a fun time. i got a key necklace. i've wanted one ever since i read the book lock and key. vera got that for me for my birthday (:
the parade wasn't half bad. i mean, the weather was nice and it was short. no big deal.
play practice was alright. ms. sue loves me so much and i'm pretty much the oldest so everything i do is just wonderful to her. and i didn't even raise my hand to cold-read a part and she called on me. even though so many more people were asking for her attention.
also, denise would like to say "if i had a million dollars, i would go on Oprah, then i would meet Tyra Banks and Ellen, then Taylor Lautner, because i love him." i like her (:
ok, that's enough for now.
moral of the story: i love apple pie.
10.01.2010
it's obvious that you're dieing, dieing.
and this is the part of life i like to call: quotes. bare with me.
In this weird twisted way, I know you miss me liking you, not because I want to believe
it's true, but because you'll never find a girl that can put up with you like I did; you'll
never find a girl who will care as much as I did, because no one will waste all their love
on someone like you, like I did.
And so you asked how I was doing and I lied and said I was fine.
I mean, life is okay, but it would be better if you were mine.
Once you lose yourself, you have two
choices. Find the person you used
to be, or lose that person completely
Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything. You are
you and that is the beginning and the end - no apologies, no regrets.
It happens to everyone as they grow
up. You find out who you are and
what you want, and then you realize
that the people you've known forever
don't see things the way you do.
And so you keep the memories,
but you find yourself moving on.
Give me something to believe in, because I don't believe in you anymore.
You just have to be happy. If you are,
everything else will fall into place.
(this will now be my answer to when people ask me why i'm happy.)
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word,
a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all
of which have the potential to turn a life around.
You were only given this life because
you were strong enough to live it.
The hardest thing about knowing you don't love me is
that you spent so much time pretending that you did.
I hope you live a life you’re proud of. if you find that you’re not,
I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
moral of the story: sorry that this was boring. i was looking for inspiration.
In this weird twisted way, I know you miss me liking you, not because I want to believe
it's true, but because you'll never find a girl that can put up with you like I did; you'll
never find a girl who will care as much as I did, because no one will waste all their love
on someone like you, like I did.
And so you asked how I was doing and I lied and said I was fine.
I mean, life is okay, but it would be better if you were mine.
Once you lose yourself, you have two
choices. Find the person you used
to be, or lose that person completely
Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything. You are
you and that is the beginning and the end - no apologies, no regrets.
It happens to everyone as they grow
up. You find out who you are and
what you want, and then you realize
that the people you've known forever
don't see things the way you do.
And so you keep the memories,
but you find yourself moving on.
Give me something to believe in, because I don't believe in you anymore.
You just have to be happy. If you are,
everything else will fall into place.
(this will now be my answer to when people ask me why i'm happy.)
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word,
a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all
of which have the potential to turn a life around.
You were only given this life because
you were strong enough to live it.
The hardest thing about knowing you don't love me is
that you spent so much time pretending that you did.
I hope you live a life you’re proud of. if you find that you’re not,
I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
moral of the story: sorry that this was boring. i was looking for inspiration.
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