i'm fully aware that i'm a hypocrite.

promises

another original by Abby Desharnais in 8th grade

Promise me so many things,
Never ever forget anyone you meet,
Never regret anything that happens.
Promise me that we won’t fight.
Promise me that we’ll always be friends.
Promise me that you’ll be patient with me.
Always be patient.
Always do what makes you happy.
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance.
Believe in yourself no matter what.
If you can’t think of what to do,
Follow your heart.
Promise me that you’ll never leave.
Promises, Promises, Promises.

wonder

an original by Abby Desharnais in 8th grade.

I often seem to wonder,
Whatever happened to childhood?
We were all equals,
Everything was significant.
Every child made wishes,
Every child had dreams.
We all believed in each other,
We’d give anything to fly!
We never doubted,
Always had a secret scheme,
And then one day we awoke to this world.
We were stricken with shock,
This is the big world.
Now we have a constant worry.
We were always doubting,
Always ignorant,
And the most important thing is being rich.
Back then it was about climbing up the biggest rock first.
Back then we had imagination.
Now we worry.
Let’s go back to when we used to wonder.

yesterday, all of my troubles seemed so far away

and this is the part of life i like to call: everything's going right

i wish i could just sit and think. i wish i could just sit and write tremendous stories like i used to.

(what i used to write wasn't tremendous... but i spent a lot of time of things. and i loved them at the time. and they were really well written.)

i used to be an avid writer. i used to aspire to be an author.

i guess that's partly why i took level 4 english. i thought that there would be some creative writing involved... but nope. mostly essays. it's okay though, because i'm definitely without a doubt taking creative writing. maybe if i'm forced into writing stories i'll fall in love with it again.

that's an interesting phrase... falling in love with an action or an inanimate object. we all say it. what does it really mean?

i've been day dreaming about driving now. i'm just extremely ready to be able to go places. i mean, i like my house and everything, but i'd like to leave. often.

it's not like i'm going to have a car though...

that's the annoying thing. it's also annoying that people's parents buy them cars. i feel like that's an experience that you need to do on your own.

here comes the sun and i say

it's alright.

i made my christmas list today. which makes me sound hypocritical... but this is the one time of the year where parents buy their children things because it's tradition. santa's in the picture to of course...

i feel like the holiday shouldn't even be called christmas anymore. it's lost it's real meaning. i'll probably write about that more towards christmas or when people are going crazy to buy things.

i think i'll buy things for my kids on the 26th. (ha, but probably not.)

moral of the story: don't love inanimate objects? (i don't even know where that came in...)

just a few things

so today was confirmation. i still have oil on my forehead to prove it (:

people came over. we ate chinese food for hours... haha

i am now an adult in the church. and i also have the holy spirit with me.

this is a big deal!

so i got $50 in itunes money... i basically just spent it all.

i was explaining to my parents that i only get itunes gift cards twice a year so i have to spend it right away.

i'm so excited for all of this music i just bought!!!

i lost my train of thought.

oh, i just wanted to say a virtual thank you to all of those who attended even though none of them read this i don't think..

all of these emotions come pouring out of me

and this is the part of life i like to call: this is the soundtrack to my life, the soundtrack to my life. (i only like this song because of world of jenks... haha)

so anyway, i'm being confirmed tomorrow.

this is pretty much a big deal.

corey said "so are you ready to become an adult?"

that was a huge blow. i mean, i've thought of it that way... but i never realized how close this is.

something that bothers me: being the youngest child, i get dragged to everything. i had to go to my brother's blue and gold boyscout ceremonies. i had to go to their graduations and to their 8th grade musicals. i had to go to their sacrements, such as confirmations. they never go to anything of mine. granted, they have cars and college to worry about. but it's a weekend. take some time to care about something of mine? it's not so much corey as it is jake. corey went to dear edwina. and corey's going to my confirmation. jake hasn't/isn't going to either.

on a side note: i drove today! and i didn't crash into anything and i didn't ruin the car or public property! i only slammed on the brake once or twice. and i only revved the gas five or six times... haha

driving in a parking lot with no other cars isn't too hard... (:

moral of the story: i've got some issues that nobody can see...

folks would kill to fill your shoes

you love the lime light to now baby.

and this is the part of life i like to call: oh hey, let's catch up (:

it won't work

i look before i leap, i love margins and discipline.

i make lists in my sleep baby what's my sin?

never quit, i follow through.

i hate mess but i love you

what to do with my impromptu baby?

so anyway... haha

today is thanksgiving.

i just wanted to say that i'm thankful for all of you. (that's not a lot of people... but thank you for reading my thoughts.)

i'm also thankful for everyone that has come into my life and stayed in my life over the past few years. i've learned so much about myself from you guys and i've become a much stronger person.

all of that aside, i'm very thankful for my supportive family. we're a team. we work together. when we're in a room together you can feel the love. that's my favorite part.

"after dinner you all just went to different room." -mom

"well, we had to balance the house out..." -me

and everyone laughed (:

i just love moments like that with them.

so what's been going on lately?

well, i don't have any homework over vacation. that's the first time that's happened in a long time.

i'm going shopping tomorrow. against my will. it's going to be so hectic and i'm going to be so stressed out. i also don't get to sleep. mehh.

i think i'll go to bed super early tonight. and that'll make tomorrow better.

is this sufficient? i think so.

happy thanksgiving!

moral of the story: so. much. food.

glee was very good
i wrote a pretty good paper
and tomorrow's technically friday.

yeah, i think i like this.

like, oh my god.

i can't even explain to you.

there are absolutely no words.

hawaii 2011.

i'm going to hawaii next year.

where it's always warm. even the water.

and luaus? like, don't even get me started.

no words.

today was just so fantastic.

there are no words.

with the thoughts of us just keeping me awake.

bedtimee

so all i really want to do is see harry potter and the deathly hallows part 1.

and i'll probably cry when *spoiler alert* doby dies.

but whatever. the next one is sadder. and it's the end of the era.

so lost and harry potter will be over.

at least i'll still have glee?

ehhh. it's not the same.

i want to reread elsewhere by gabrielle zevin.

you should all read it too.

so if you're too school for cool

and you're treated like a fool,
you can choose to let it go.

and this is the part of life i like to call: not feeling 100%.
i'm at about a 70% right now.

i don't know if this is common to anything else, but i know i don't feel good when i keep yawning. like, i'll yawn and then yawn about 30 seconds later. and yawning is the only thing that makes me feel better.
i have a sinus headache i think. and i'm tired.
i thin all i need is just to get a full night's sleep for once.

allstate was today. i didn't go. the end.

also, it's cold out.

moral of the story: i think i'm going to go play some wii now..

i'm currently dressed up as dumbledore

...yay.

and this is the part of life i like to call: blogging from the library

the library is having a harry potter party seeing as it's opening night an all...
i so wish i could be at the premiere instead of right here. in this chair. as dumbledore.

like, how do i even get into these situations?
i feel bad for not participating... but i'm wearing a beard and a wig... ya know...


these kids are loving it though, which is cute to watch.
some kids give me hope to be a teacher. like the ones that dress up as harry potter characters. haha

so i got five hours of sleep. this is the first time all year i've gone to bed later than 11:30.
i hate going to sleep in the morning. sleeping is a nighttime activity.

moral of the story: i just don't like wearing this costume... haha

just to document these two things:

so i just wrote a response paper in about 10 minutes. it's pretty terrible, but i did it. and it's one and a half pages of suck. it's also my stress one. so i can't use that excuse again. mehhh.

also, in english on monday we got our quarter grades. (i got an 89. as previously mentioned?) so elizabeth went and got hers and walked with "mad swag" back to her seat. i was the only that saw this. i pretty much died right there...


and yeah. now i have to do 10 reader response sheets! whoot!

not to mention bio homework... yeah. whatever.

i have to realize

and this is the part of life i like to call: oh hey, let's cram everything into one night.

technically i shouldn't even be writing this.
i have so much to do. but i don't want to.
i wish i was one of those kids that just takes school off when i need a day.
i'd miss too much.

i've been super inspired lately, but every time i write something here i realize it doesn't even apply to my life. and i guess i could make it into a story, but i don't have the time and energy to do that.

i've been listening to goodbye by kesha for like a week.
it's so incredible how this doesn't sound like how she currently does.
and how if she stayed making music like this she'd never get noticed. which is why our music industry sucks. all of the good music is shoved in a corner so that all of the hip-hop and pop artists can dance around the room. the poor corner artists...

i often say that i wish i was talented. but i should just come to terms with my abilities. i mean, i'm an okay singer. i'm an okay clarinet player. and i'm okay with being okay. i've never been the best at anything, so this is nothing new. obviously i'd like to have something to claim as mine. like "this is MY talent and i'm great at it and you should just be jealous of that." except not... because i wouldn't want anyone to do that.

today, my neighbor josh yelled at me for apologizing to much. he said something like "you're going to get mugged one day and apologize for not having more money to give."
that's so true. haha

also, i realized that i've been spelling yesterday and apologizing wrong my entire life. i always spelt yesterday as yestarday and apologizing as appologizing. this blew my mind.

moral of the story: i hate running out of eraser.

untitled.

so i just finished the scarlet letter.
and i don't know how i feel about it.

also, i'm not formatting this blog because it's going to be short.

i need to do bio homework. but that's not gonna happen.
i also have to do 10 reader response sheets and like 6 chapters worth of study guide questions.
i'm rocking at school...

also, i have an 89 in english. which is so annoying.
and i have an 87 in math. which is also annoying but the highest i've had in awhile.
but, at least i have an A in economics. i should've taken level 4. which is also annoying.

i'm just annoyed. and i want Christmas. and i want to sleep.
so goodnight!

i wanna say so much more

goodbye - kesha. before the dollar sign. ♥

the secrets out that i do care about you.
you broke me
you left me
there's nothing i can do.

this might be, this could be, this is goodbye.

ok. yeah.

don't breathe too deep; don't think all day.

and this is the part of life i like to call: not really having anything to blog about.

everything's been pretty mediocre lately. nothing terrible has happened. nothing earth-shattering.

this is normal. this is average.

i miss things always being exciting. always different from the previous day.
everything's always the same now...

katie made a picture of everyone in band this year. people are being really bratty about it when really she spent a lot of time on it. and it was really well done. she even put people around who they're friends with.

who i'm around, however, is interesting.
it's funny to see who other people think my friends are.
it's also funny to see that it's mostly true.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Im-bP7Xw63E
(loving this everyday)

moral of the story: this is short

i'll just leave this here.

"So much being known, it would appear natural that a part of it should be expressed. It is singular, however, how long a time often passes before words embody things; and with what security two persons, who choose to avoid a certain subject, may approach its very verge, and retire without disturbing it."

...yeah

i would understand

^stuck in my head. for three days.
jumper - third eye blind.

and this is the part of life i like to call: not doing bio homework. ha
so it's thursday night.
and i'm home alone?
which doesn't normally happen.
so i like this (:

i need to be productive.
i need to do a lot of things...

i wish i was motivated to practice.
if i was doing allstate i'd totally have to.
next year.

i guess i'm just afraid of not making it.
and having people realize that i'm not as good as they think i am.
speaking of, we had a sectional yesterday.
no one ever goes to our sectionals, even when the CONDUCTOR is running it.
seriously? make time. because people clearly don't practice.
including me. so they can't even make excuses.

anyway, i'm just tired of people not caring. about anything.
and about me.

moral of the story: i do complain too much. mehh.

this one deserved it's own post...

"Love, whether newly born, or aroused from a deathlike slumber, must always create a sunshine, filling the heart so full of radiance, that it overflows upon the outward world."

(:

“Is the world then so narrow?” exclaimed Hester Prynne, fixing her deep eyes on the minister’s, and instinctively exercising a magnetic power over a spirit so shattered and subdued, that it could hardly hold itself erect. “Doth the universe lie within the compass of yonder town, which only a little time ago was but a leaf-strewn desert, as lonely as this around us? Whither leads yonder forest-track? Backward to the settlement, thou sayest! Yes; but onward, too! Deeper it goes, and deeper, into the wilderness, less plainly to be seen at every step; until, some few miles hence, the yellow leaves will show no vestige of the white man’s tread. There thou art free! So brief a journey would bring thee from a world where thou hast been most wretched, to one where thou mayest still be happy! Is there not shade enough in all this boundless forest to hide thy heart from the gaze of Roger Chillingworth?”

if you get the chance to read that entire thing... do it (:

Hester is such a strong character. i'm loving this chapter, as i thought i would.
“Be thou strong for me!” answered he. “Advise me what to do.”
p.s. dimmesdale is a wimp.

i wish you would step back from that ledge my friend

and this is the part of life i like to call: uhh, what's homework?

i hate when i do this.
i really regret it.
but i still do it.
every single year.
i just stop caring.

guess who needs to read 5 chapters? yeah. me.
i think i'm going to use my bio homework pass...
yeah. sounds good.

i'm sort of rushing through this blog.
i need to read.

also, i found someone who has like the same music taste as me. which is really bizarre. because i like a lot of random things. her tumblr playlist basically is these random things. http://tumblrphotographyxox.tumblr.com/ she's already tumblr famous... whatever.
okay, sorry.

moral of the story: back to normal.

p.s. changed my template. i don't know how i feel about it yet... haha

the place where i feel most like me

and this is the part of life i like to call: researching.

thank you for music.
thank you for artists.
thank you for the internet.
thank you for bandcamp.com
thank you for having access to all of these things.
&+ it's a beautiful thing (:

i'm reading the no fear literature version of the scarlet letter. because i find things easier to read if they're on a computer screen.
<-- so bad.

so the quarter ends on friday. and there's no school thursday.
therefore, i have a test in about every subject on tuesday.
oh teachers... how do you coordinate these things?

it's kind of annoying how ms. sue totally loves me. and expects a bunch from me. but at the same time, it's a good thing. because i got that solo finally. but it's so obvious that she just did that because it's me. and i feel bad sometimes.

usually i put spaces to separate different thoughts so that you guys don't get confused. and i usually put spaces after every sentence to space things out more. that's just how i've always done this...
if it's hard to follow i appologize, but i think it's easier.

so last night and this morning (i guess) tracey, megan, and i played the sims 2 on gamecube. for four hours.
i think that's an issue. seriously. not that i don't have bad vision from staring at screens for hours at a time already... whatever.


anyway, this one's been kind of random.
just a little update... no big deal.

moral of the story: i need to read the scarlet letter...

resolution

finally.

that's what i've been waiting for.

blinded by the lights

and this is the part of life i like to call: let's pretend that i actually went to bed at 9:30...

"'cause i would die for you on skyway avenue."
i was OBSESSED with we the kings.
in 6th grade.
and i felt so cool that i knew who they were before everyone else.
(because corinne was like "hey abby, you'll like this song!")
and this was the first alternative band i really listened to.
and took the time to look into more than one song.

btdubs, this is post 150. in case anyone was wondering.

formspring just makes me angry now.
i shouldn't have made one.
it doesn't even make sense.
like, why would i want and encourage people to just take jabs at me?
mehh.

meanwhile, my stocks are doing fine, yet i'm ranked 600-something out of 700?
that doesn't even make sense.

meanwhile, tumblr has been working out rather nicely for me.
so if you want to see that, go a few blogs back.
i put the link in it.

my brother asked me what i thought about taylor's new album.
he was surprised that i didn't like it.
i guess this is a big shock to people... but whatever.
i said "corey, you realize that if you just played all of her songs back to back and flowing into eachother you get a song a couple of hours long? it's just one big song..."
so true.
true life.

i put little kid pictures up. of myself. on facebook.
haha, yeah.

confirmation is in like two weeks.
this is a little ridiculous...
my mom made a facebook event for it.
like, really?
haha, so legit.

moral of the story: yes i just said "so legit." i don't know where that came from...

150!

if i could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by?

and this is the part of life i like to call: totally rocking always.

this is my 149th post (: i'm going to celebrate this instead.
because why does everything have to be nice and rounded off?
i feel like i just wrote my 100th like, a month ago.
which is probably true.
i've been super dedicated to this lately...

so anyway, i have to finish a left side thing for bio. (i hate this class. i've already done 82 other things for it tonight.)
i also have to read from our bio book. i think i'll skip that.
for economics i have to take notes on a section. and you don't care.
oh, and i have an english test tomorrow. i should study for that. "but abby, i still don't care!"
i realize that. sorry.

i have a 90% in english at le momento.
if i don't do swell on this test, i'll probably drop below that. which would be stupid.
this is the first time i've had an A in level 4 english (:

...

i dashed away because my dad came home and i wanted him to see that i was being productive (:

anyway...
so i'm not doing so well in bio and french.
but i'm totally rocking everything else.
which doesn't even make sense... but whatever.

thanks for celebrating my 149th post with me (:

moral of the story: 149. new milestone!

so this is me swallowing my pride

and this is the part of life i like to call: responding.


first of all, it amazes me how i can listen to a taylor swift song, even now, and analyze every piece of it.
because of certain people, i've learned to look for certain things in artist's.

making songs that sound that same just works for taylor.
people still like her. people still buy her albums. it's just us that realize that they're all the same and about the same thing.

"stop and stare, i think i'm moving but i go nowhere. and i know that everyone gets scared. but i've become what i can't be."

oh, can you see what i see?

i'm supposed to be writing a response paper.
i get so distracted.
maybe i stopped trying because i just got a 90% on a test.
i realized that i've been rocking at school.
and here's the part where i stop caring.
here's the part where i slack.
why does that have to happen?
why can't i always be challenged?
i take that back... i like understanding things.

also, i look like a bit of a mess currently.
and i came to the realization that i don't care.
i'm in the comfort of my own home... if i'm a mess it doesn't really matter.

"you gave me roses and i left them there to die."
ouch.
you know what else?
things aren't the same.
and i'm not okay with it.
mehh.

moral of the story: i have to finish responding.

in this moment now; capture it, remember it.

and this is the part of life i like to call: days off.

i don't know how to explain what i've been feeling lately; story of my life, right?
well, it's been a combination of confusion and happiness.
i guess this is a good thing? except when i think about things too much. then comes the frustration and sadness.
but everything will be okay.
at least that's what i keep telling myself.
and i'm starting to believe it... so it must be true.
once this whole thing is over with, i can finally get back to normal abby.
maybe i'll actually get things accomplished.

something that scared me:
next year. just thinking ahead is frightening.
next year all of these people that i see everyday won't be around anymore.
and i'll most likely be section leader?
like, what?
i can't fill those shoes.
which reminds me that i need to practice major.

i also have economics, bio, english, geometry, and french homework.
ha, love it.

glee's on tonight. but it's not even a new one because their schedule has been sucking.

and yeah.
almost at my 150th post, which will also not be a big deal.

moral of the story: i can't believe i've already done about 50 posts in like a quarter of the time it took me to write 100.

the holiday.

Iris: This was a really close call. You know, I never really though I'd say this, literally never, but I think you were absolutely right about us. Very square peg, very round hole.
Jasper: You cannot mean that.
Iris: The great thing is I actually do. And I'm about three years late in telling you this, but nevertheless I need to say it. Jasper. Wait, I need the lights on. Jasper, you have never treated me right. Ever.You broke my heart. And you acted like somehow it was my fault, my misunderstanding, and I was too in love with you to ever be mad at you, so I just punished myself! For years! But you waltzing in here on my lovely Christmas holiday, and telling me that you don't want to lose me whilst you're about to get MARRIED, somehow newly entitles me to say, it's over. This - This twisted, toxic THING between us, is finally finished! I'm miraculously done being in love with you! Ha! I've got a life to start living.

And you're not going to be in it.


and that's the part where i just broke down.
i mean, there were many parts in this movie where i couldn't stand to watch because of how much i wanted something like this in my life, but this part just killed me.
killed. me.
and i just don't ever know what to say.

moral of the story: i can't watch movies. i just cry. at everything.

i didn't forget about you!

and this is the part of life i like to call: recuperating.

so this weekend was a long and eventful one, thankfully.
friday was the halloween football game.
this is where i discovered two thing: never wear a witches hat in october, and never wear a robe if you can avoid it.
a lot of you know that i was dumbledore.
that involved a beard, a wig, a hat, and a big purple robe.
it was windy.
wind + robe + hat = disaster.
haha, and besides wardrobe malfunctions, the show was one big hot mess.
but it'll be okay!

saturday was garrett's birthday party which was both awkward and fun.
mostly fun though!
and a whole lot of laughing (:

and sunday was actual halloween.
i went to church and the play practice. (where i got to sing the solos in my favorite song in the show and was probably the happiest person ever.)
and then from here we went trick or treating in manch.
and then from there we went to h-town.
and fit 7 people into a car that's supposed to only hold 5.
no big deal (:

so yeah. i have a lot of candy in my household at the moment.
it'll be gone in a month of two..
haha

so anyway, i just wanted to apologize for my lack of posts.
if you were home all weekend being lame and not trick or treating and waiting for a blog (which i hope no one did...) then i especially apologize.
been there. trust me.

update: getting over him. day by day. we'll get through this.
scarlet letter is pretty good.
we had to work with liver in bio and i was disgusted.
there was a fire in the bathroom across from the library today. and i almost missed all of my lunch. so thanks whoever started that.
annddddd yeah.

moral of the story: we didn't start the fire. it was always burning since the world was turning.