you don't know how much you really mean to me...

i throw my hands up in the air sometimes

one of the worst feelings in the world is letting a goal go by.
not just one goal. oh no. more like 4.
i could've stopped them. but i didn't.
and then there are the ones that aren't your fault. those also suck.
being goalie is tough.
you have to be able to keep yourself together after letting a goal by.
you have to tell people to get out of your way.
i can't really explain the sinking feeling you get... but i'm sure you know the one.
it's the one where you know you let people down. you know that you did something wrong and you couldn't stop it.

so what did we learn today?
being goalie isn't too much fun.

also, just because it feels like fall for a week doesn't mean that it'll stay cold.
i also figured out that i will not be wearing my new clothes until it gets colder out... since the things i got are like sweaters and stuff. haha


moral of the story: goalie is tough. and dynamite is stuck in my head. and school starts thursday

NOTE: the huge season finale is tonight!

thoughts of mine at 12:06am...

it's late. or it's early. it all depends on how you look at it.
since i haven't gone to sleep yet, let's say it's late.
but 12:06 isn't really late. it's just later than i've stayed up.

anyway. hooksett kids go back to school tomorrow.
well, i guess that's technically today?
time is a such a difficult thing!

and two years ago, i'd be totally excited for my first day of 8th grade.
where has the time gone? i don't even remember my first day of school two years ago. or years before that. is that bad? probably.

so i think i'll get ready for bed now.
you didn't really need to know what i was doing next with my life...

moral of the story: it's late. and i was thinking some thoughts and thought i'd share.

i realized today that our first field hockey game is also the first day of school. as if i didn't have enough stress that day to begin with...
haha, but it's ok because tomorrow will be a prep for that. we have a scrimmage in case you haven't seen me writing about this 18 other times...

but. i intend to stay organized this year. and keep myself stress-free for the most part.
i feel like i chose classes to my ability. so it'll be better.
ANDDD the only thing i need to worry about now is allstate..
yay for practicing twice!

moral of the story: i couldn't think of a title..

did you know you used to be my hero?

it feels like you don't care anymore.
...
i just want to make you proud.
i'm never gonna be good enough for you.

nothing lasts forever,
i'm sorry i can't be perfect.

this kind of goes back to the whole "why do you completely ignore me when we used to be best friends" thing.
it's hard just to talk to you. but that's normal because i usually can't hold conversations anyway.

we're having chinese food tonight upon my suggestion. so i'm pretty physicked about that (:
what else... oh, scrimmage against memorial on monday. people should actually go to it. you'll get to see me all decked out in goalie gear... whoooot.

ok, i'm going to eat chinese food now (:
moral of the story: totally loosing my train of thought more often now... side-tracked.

i'm only up when you're not down

you drive me crazy half the time
the other half i'm only trying
to let you know that what i feel is true
and i'm only me when i'm with you.

...yeah

so i went school shopping today (:
that's honestly one of my favorite things.
i can't explain it. i just realllyyyy love getting new school supplies and new clothes and new shoes and new everything.
the best things to get new: pillows. shoes. they should come together. (:

so field hockey's at 4 today. and we're scrimmaging varsity... so you know how that'll go. haha
the jamboree's tonight too. but i don't know if i'll go to that.

don't be ashamed to cry
let me see you through
'cause i've seen the dark side too.
...
nothing you confess
could make me love you less
i'll stand by you. ♥

two song lyrics in one post? i guess i'm a little scatter-brained right now.

moral of the story: nothing really... just a whole bunch of random.

& we learn, & we grow, & we move on

what would you do if i just walked up to you and told you that i've always loved you?
exactly, that's so awkward. i can't even explain it.

i just wanna show you
she don't even know you
she's never gonna love you
like i want to.

such sappy taylor swift songs.
why do i suck at liking good music?

you know what's interesting?
how many preconceived notions we have about people/artists/anything
our minds are already made up. we already have our opinions and there's little room for change.
so here's a challenge: try to listen to a song without knowing the artist or talk to someone you already decided you don't like. let's see if your thoughts change.

...so random.
oh, and i made a tumblr. but i don't think i'll give that out. i don't know what i want to do with it yet.

moral of the story: awkward. taylor swift... preconceived notions. tumblr?

just gunna stand there and watch me burn?

it bothers me when people read to much into what i say.
most of the time i can't put what i think into the right words.
and most of the time i try to be deeper than i am.

i like the way i can't keep my focus
i watch you talk, you didn't notice
i hear your words but all i can think
is we should be together
everytime you smile, i smile.

moral of the story: complaint... whatever. and random song lyric.

oh what a beautiful day

ahh, how i loved today.
nothing makes me happier than being at field hockey for an hour and then going to band (:
i especially like being a sophomore.

this is going to be a good year (:

moral of the story: today was FANTASTIC. so take that people who think i always complain (:

smiley face count: 3

so excited

before i forget, i just watched the lovely bones.
it actually really scared me.
but in a good way?
i don't know how to explain it. it's one of those movies that actually affected me. (i think it's the affected with an a...)

there's only so many of those out there. but it actually made me think for awhile.

that's not what i want to talk about. i actually want to stop thinking about it because i'm honestly a little scared right now...

anyway, tomorrow is a pretty exciting day!
first field hockey practice. no more tryouts which means it'll be a little better. and i won't be there for the whole practice becauseeeeeeee it's full band rehearsal! whooot.

moral of the story: the lovely bones creeped me out. and tomorrow is going to be incredible.

food for thought

when was the last time you did something for the first time?

and i just wanted to add that i had my phone on all day. and i didn't get any messages or anything... so obviously people like me bunches. haha

moral of the story: my answer to that question would probably be trying out goalie. yay field hockey being the only thing i can think about...

bleck.

so i feel pretty bleck.
like the kind of bleck where you want to just crawl into a ball and sleep and not have to move for a little while.
but, unfortunately for this bleck feeling, i have to go to field hockey tryouts regardless. (but i'm not being forced. this is a choice.)

so this bleck should go away so that i don't throw up all over the place. that would be appreciated.

but other than that, i'm just peachy!

moral of the story: do you like my humor there? someone was wondering if i ever stop complaining. yes i do. you just caught me on a bad day...

it's a new day

so field hockey.
taken over my life.
and now i'm a goalie? yeah.
whoa. when did that happen
everything is moving so fast now.
even though this was just one day... but now i have to plan for many days ahead.

whoopie!!

moral of the story: tomorrow will be easier

so, last day of summer.

): that's the saddest phrase ever.

breathe in deep and say goodbye
the saddest song i'll ever write for anyone, anytime
breathe in deep before i say
i can feel it slip away
you're almost gone,
you're good as gone
august is over.

and now i prepare myself mentally for tryouts tomorrow.
seriously, it's all in my head. i have nothing to worry about because i don't have any real inclination to be on varsity. (that was a good word. i'm proud of it. haha)
so yay jv! haha

but anyway, tryouts are tomorrow. and then field hockey takes over for the season. and band camp is the week after that, yeah!

so basically, the fall is my busiest season.
and i thought i'd just write my intentions for this year

my hardest subject is going to be english. and i'm ok with that.
i'm taking basically all level 3's. which will make this year a little easier, but not so much. i can't let myself slack off just because my classes are easier.

so anyway, i'm going to focus more this year. (at least, i'll say that and i'll totally go back to my old habits. but it's the thought that counts?)
and yeah. that's all i have to say. and now it's time for some mental preparation. hooray!

moral of the story: it's my last day of summer. (i forgot a moral for a long time!)

:/

ok, so before i signed in, blogger was being weird on me again saying that i couldn't sign in with my e-mail.
i started freaking out and was like "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T SIGN IN WITH MY E-MAIL?"
but it all worked out in the end.
and i forgive you blogger. we're still cool.

just so you know... don't read this if you like to hate on me. i get frustrated with myself easily and if you don't think you'd understand that, just exit out. because this will seem ridiculous.
so anyway, what i wanted to write about was being totally shaken up today.
(at first i wrote shooken. that's not a word, in case you were wondering.)
well, i went for a run. i'm not a runner. but i have been running pretty much everyday for the past few weeks. and i've been adding on more and more each day. well today, while i was running, i go back to square one. and didn't add on. i was very frustrated with myself, so the rest of the run was just me being discouraged.

and then, i got home. and was looking forward to sitting down and eating dinner by myself. but my dad was at the table.
here's how that went down.
"how'd it go?"
"not good."
"how many did you go around?"
"not enough."
"you have to push yourself."
and here's where i, for the first time in my life, actually spoke to my dad in a manner that wasn't pleasant.
"i did. you don't even understand."

and that's where we both stopped talking.
and my hands were shaking.

that's one thing that i just can't hear people tell me.
"you didn't try."
i can't stand to hear because i know most of the time it's true.
but i did try tonight. i just am not the best i've been.

moral of the story: i'm too hard on myself most of the time. but it usually gets me motivated enough. anyone have any motivational tips? i'd like to see them

these are the days when anything goes ♥
my last three days of summer. i'll miss it

moral of the story: everyday is a winding road. haha

whoops, double teamed...

(pre-script: [which is also abbreviated p.s. but it's not used...] when i first wrote the title i wrote "touble teamed." i'm doing really well at typing tonight...)
sorry that i do this sometimes...
i try to get everything i need to say out in one post.
but then something happens that i remember and i'll write a second post in the same hour...
haha

ok, so i was listening to a bunch of soundtracks on itunes.
and a song came on that i thought was sooo gross awhile ago and i used to ignore that fact that i actually bought it. but i got into a mood where i just sang along to everything that came on, so i sang to this song. and i didn't even realize it until like a minute in. haha

so in case you're wondering if you like a song or not, put you itunes on shuffle and see if you sing along to it when you're dazed.


moral of the story: don't let other people's judgment get in the way of what you feel.

set me free, why don't you baby?

so i guess that about right now is the time where i give up.
and i start to realize that nothing's going to happen between us.
and that's the way that things should be in the first place.

but why do i have this lingering faith that there's something more?
why do i listen to my heart instead of my head?
i know that i'll end up getting hurt eventually.
that's why i hold back, most likely.

this is the story of a girl
who cried a river and drowned the whole world
and while she looks to sad in photographs
i absolutely love her

when she smiles.

i'm in the kind of mood where all i want to do is listen to musical soundtracks. which is just fine with me (:

i've gotten a request to not talk about myself in a blog before...
what else do you want me to talk about? you?
hmmm, let me think about that... no.
this is for me to write about my life. i don't know what else you'd want me to write about? i mean, everyone else's blog that i read is about themselves. so just think about what you're asking me.

sdhbvudidsbdghngfj.

"Sometimes, there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up whats happened that day. Sometimes you do everything right, everything exactly right, and still feel like you failed." -Criminal Minds.
i don't even watch that show. i really like that quote though.

and how.
this has been a smorgasbord of blog material. (i didn't spell smorgasbord right my first try... awww)

so anyway...
moral of the story: my morals aren't even morals... they're summaries most of the time. haha
oh, p.s. i forgot to put a title when i first wrote this... :0

everybody's looking for love, whoaaa.

so today i had a picnic with emily and kenneth
and it was a good time (:
yes, there was a blanket and everything!
we're cool kids.
so anyone, neighbors of mine (i wrote my before... wow.) rode by on their bikes. and totally judged us. because we were in my front yard. and i was just thinking "uhh, why is this a problem? i mean, people roll down hills all the time..."
haha, i'm sure they think that we're the strangest people ever. but i don't really care because i had a blast!

we looked through a bunch of old stuff.
and i got very extremely awesome grades when i was little.
like, 100%'s in everything.
not really... it was more like social studies and band (:

i think it's funny how i can do so well in social studies and then in civics i completely bomb everything.
it's also funny how my worst is a C+. but i failed legitimately every test.
whatever.
the curriculum changed. i changed. my attitude towards school sort of changed.
i guess i realized that i didn't have to try so hard and i would still be "average."
in my family, a C is not considered "average." a C is "you can do better."
this isn't a bad thing though! i like how my family wants me to succeed.

okay emily, i think i got inspired because this was just supposed to be about the picnic but i kind of elaborated...

oh! and don't watch pretty little liars with your father... it's just awkward...

moral of the story: today was super fun (: i was better are school when i was younger and more motivated, and i watched the pretty little liars season finale

just something that bothers me.

i really don't appreciate when someone who is a year older than me treats me like a child.
what happened to us?
i remember back in the day when you were my best friend.
now i don't exist to you.
i'm also not a little kid.
being a year older than me doesn't change anything.
and it's funny when you're friends with people my age.


moral of the story: i don't understand why you treat me differently than everyone else my age.

rainy day.

so rainy days at sleepy hollow calls for blogging (: and watching movies
and board games... but no one's up for that.
so right now, it's for blogging.
and i just wanted to say that it's been good.
and it's definitely been sooooo ridiculously relaxing.
and it's good to have a break from life for a little while.
this is my vacation right here.

when i get back, i'll have one week left.
one week of sleeping and summer.
and then field hockey starts. :/ it's always nerve-racking. but it'll be worth it in the end.
the week after that, band camp. and field hockey. juggling both things causes for exhausting days.
which also means good nights sleeps. which is good i guess.

so with that one week of summer, i intend to make the most of it.
but right now, it's sleepy hollow time (:




so this is just something i thought i'd bring up.
it's not like i advertise this blog. if you don't want to read it, then don't read it.
if you think i'm boring, why bother reading about my life?
i'm tired of people telling me how to live my life.
so just don't do it.


moral of the story: rainy days at sleepy hollow are still fun, i only have one week of summer left... and don't read my blog if you don't like it (: