order, chaos and change

that's the theme of the month.
technically, it's just for english... but my life is sort of like this as well.
some days are orderly, most are chaotic. and i'm SO ready for a change.

it's time to wake up and tell myself what i really want out of life.
and it's time to start achieving it.
this seems like a big deal and something that could wait a little while.. but it's been a long time coming.
i've made my fair share of mistakes. they're extremely personal and no one knows about them.
that's a big deal for me; keeping a secret for so long and all to myself.
no. i'm not going to reveal my mistakes to you.
it's not necessary. i just hate people thinking that i'm such a good person.
( i do love attempting to fit this mold. it makes me feel good that people think this about me.)
but i feel like i'm living a lie sometimes. and i need to start to become that person that people think i am.

i've noticed that people have been asking questions around me that have to do with the catholic religion. this has been happening a lot. i feel like my knowledge is being tested.

and i love it.

i love answering people's questions and knowing that i did this to the best of my ability.

i went to my grandparents house last weekend for my mom's 50th birthday. (yes, she's 50. can you believe it?!) and we went to their church. although i enjoy the masses at my church, their mass was more enjoyable. i'm not exactly sure why. one of the readings was from paul to the corinthians. 12:31-13:13.
(this is rather long.. but it's worth it.)
"Love is patient; love it kind. Love is not jealous, it does not put on airs, it is not snobbish. Love is never rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not prone to anger; neither does it brood over injuries. Love does not rejoice in what is wrong but rejoices with the truth. There is no limit to love's forbearance, to its trust, its hope, its power to endure.
Love never fails."

there it is ladies and gentlemen... gods instructions to us on love.

sorry this is such a long blog.
does anyone even read this? haha, i wouldn't be surprised if you didn't. it's ok.
this is more of me writing my thoughts down... that's why it's so random

thanks for reading if you did.
thanks for attempting to keep up with my thoughts.
remember that love never fails.