i realized that i haven't changed the layout of my blog in awhile

i actually like this one how it is though.

so that's good.

but maybs i'll change my picture.. haha

i appreciate honesty

almost had a mental breakdown with my driving instructor... cool

basically, i almost broke down like right in front of him. just out of frustration.

i can't do this...

i feel like i'm that "bad driver" and they have to like rock, paper, scissors for who has to drive with me.

i get so nervous. and i feel like everything i do is wrong.

they both just constantly yell at me... and i don't like it.

i have to deal with this... especially if i want my license. i just don't like them and i don't like the cars and i don't like backing in to spots.

"you should really ask your parents to go out and practice..."

i'm sorry; my parents work for a living. and it was just Easter. nothing i can do about that...

UGGGGGHHHHH.

Actual Children’s Answers to The Question “What Is Love?”

i didn't write this... obviously.

“Baby don’t hurt me; don’t hurt me, no more.” - Gary, 7

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” - Chrissy, age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” - Terri, age 4

“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” - Danny, age 7

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.” - Emily, age 8

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” - Bobby, age 7

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,” - Nikka, age 6

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” - Noelle, age 7

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” - Tommy, age 6

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.” - Cindy, age 8

“My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” - Clare, age 6

“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” - Elaine, age 5

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt.” - Chris, age 7

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” - Mary Ann, age 4

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” - Lauren, age 4

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” - Rebecca, age 8

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” - Karen, age 7

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” - Jessica, age 8

don't forget me, i beg

i'll remember, you said.

(hardest part of that song... haha)

happy easter!

i've been seeing a lot of "zombie Jesus" statuses and i don't know how i feel about that...

today is more important than Christmas. but i don't need to explain that.

today i realized why i don't practice for an hour and a half everyday...

i'm so critical of everything. i'm so hard on myself.

and it's just like, i realize that i'm not incredibly awesome.

i'm just mediocre. and maybe if i practiced for an hour and a half everyday i'd get incredibly awesome. but for now, i'm not up to where i'd like to be.

it's just frustrating, you know?

i feel like some people set their expectations of me way high. and i guess i'm under pressure?

i don't even know. i bet i'm imagining this.

i'm still alive but i'm barely breathing...

that was one of the most intimidating and scary moments ever.

so i just did my first hour with the instructor for driver's ed.

i feel on the verge of tears even though there's nothing to cry about?

i guess i'm in shock. haha

i thought i was an okay driver... but apparently having 5 hours of driving previously means that i'm going to suck.

i wasn't bad. i actually did really well for not driving often.

at least we didn't go on the highway.

and i can do three point turns like a boss.

i just can't back into spaces or yaknow, look when i merge...

it's definitely time for vacation.

school is getting unnecessary.

everything we've been doing for operation pearl harbor is failing.

people are going to end up paying more money.

i just really want to be in hawaii right now. at this second.

i always think about what i would do if i could just apparate onto the beach.

i always think about what i would do if i didn't such at math... and if i didn't fail that test...

like, how do i explain that to my parents? "sorry, my brain went on vacation at the beginning of the week." or "you know how busy and tired i've been."

my dad's expecting $400 soon for driver's ed.

how did my brother's have so much more money than i currently do?

how did they pay for all of that themselves?

maybe it was syms/my clarinet. yeah. that's it.

i'm pushing them daisies, i wish they were roses

i love daisies... haha

driver's ed tonight was... boring.

but at least i have a few friends in it. we'll be all set.

i'm sorry that i just had like the longest day of my life

and i'm sorry that you called while we were warming up so i couldn't talk to you.

and i'm sorry that i didn't have any of the information because i didn't have time to go on my computer to look it up for you.

i'm sorry that you were home and could've done that yourself.

i'm sorry that i didn't tell you that you needed to bring my birth certificate. i didn't know.

i'm sorry that you're in such a bad mood because you showed up an hour early. better than an hour late.

and i'm sorry that i'm such a hassle to you. and doing this one thing for me turned into a fiasco.

i'm sorry that you're so angry at me. but i really couldn't do anything to help you.

i'm sorry that i just played at a concert that lasted three hours and i couldn't just go to the meeting.

and i'm sorry that i told you everything like two months ago and didn't remember.

and i'm sorry that i knew about this concert way before i knew about driver's ed. okay?

is that sufficient? because i really don't know what to tell you.

i just don't know what to tell you. i can't make you happy so it doesn't even matter.

i love that corey and i can just exchange one look and understand eachother. he knows how i'm feeling. it's nice to have him home.

people ask me why i want to be a teacher

i tell them it's because i want to make a difference in someone's life like teachers have on mine.

and i especially want to be a 5th grade teacher because that year was the most impactful of all.

and maybe i'll have a hard time making money. but i've always wanted to live in an apartment.

and maybe the kids won't like me. but i'll pull through.

it's kind of awesome to know what you want to do with your life. i could change my mind but i don't want to. i like having this course set in front of me.

i hate when people tell me what i'm supposed to be doing with my life.

"SO, when you major in music education..."

"...but abby you'd be good at it."

i don't want to be a music teacher. i also don't want to be a drum major. i'm sorry you can't plan my life for me.

~~~

at field hockey tonight my mom counted 20 saves. 20 saves for 6 goals.

a few went through my legs. that's obnoxious.

i only blame myself. it's literally no one else's fault when that happens.

but i've gotten better. and that's what matters.

BLOG NEGLECT BLOG NEGLECT BLOG NEGLECT

i've found myself getting more and more annoyed with music groups i'm in

every day i sit there and i'm like "why is everyone so obnoxious? for real?"

and it's just annoying.

it's also annoying how if you change a piece from the key of Bflat to anything else, people can't play it. and i HATE that.

like even concert A. i just... i don't know.

i'm tired of people not being able to play music.

relient k. who i am hates who i've been.

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.


Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'cause who I've been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

whoot, coffee house

i only feel partially deaf... no big deal.
i think this will pass in a day though.
so bummed i had to leave early, but i like sleep almost as much as i like music. but way more than the uncomfortable benches/floor.
i heard a lot of people and goodness though! that's nice

and i'm ready to go to bed but i guess i have a lot of bio homework to do? like, whatever.
who even cares about that anyway? (a lot of people actually... but whatever.)
it sucks that ms. nault's awesomeness ended last year.
it sucks that we're not making paper mache turtles ):

i did that thing again where i volunteer to do the most work. yeah, remember that?
annoying habit.
oh well... it's not difficult.

okay, bedtime! ...ish

i hate letting people down

what do you do when your good isn't good enough,

and all that you touch tumbles down?

'cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things

i just want to fix it somehow

how many times will it take for me

to get it right?

today's been interesting

ms. conty taught english. i really like her.

i see myself being like ms. conty when i teach.

just making a lot of references to my life and saying things like "...awkward..."

but we're starting poetry now. and this is always a hard part of the year because i just cannot write stuff like i used to. my imagination used to be awesome. now it's just like "uhhh, i need to sleep."

i also rediscovered john legend and i melt every single time i hear his voice. just like "ahhhhhhhhh"

he did a cover of rolling in the deep and i died. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrQ4njrnnsI

watch it.

if i ever meet someone who sound like a combination of john mayer and john legend i would probs pass out. and then just cry. and then hug them and never let go.

just want to document that i just talked to this kid other than in geometry class for the first time. haha, and not even about school! wawhooo...

i'm going to see the 8th grade musical tomorrow. they're doing seussical. i know a bunch of people in it. and it'll be all nostalgic and stuff. i don't know if i'm going to go next year... don't really know anyone in 7th grade... haha

and just like that...

i'm done.

but i'm gonna go take a shower and come back and proof read... just in case.

what?! abby's proof-reading?! well, yeah. this is a big paper. and i'd kind of like to get an A because that means an A in the class. basically automatically...

research paper season.

so everyone's gonna be freaking out for the next few weeks because it's that dreaded time of year again. however, after tomorrow i'm going to not have to worry anymore. and i'll be sooooo happy about everything.

but tonight, i need to highlight more notes, write random quotes on notecards from book, and edit my rough drafts.

AWESOME POSSUM.

(remember when everyone used to say that in 2005?)

ticking on and on

friday. go away from my head please and thanks.

so, tonight: fill out death of a salesman quotes sheets. edit two research papers which can potentially take me like an hour and a half..

do bio homework. bleckkk.

uhh, what else?

oh. snhu band. :P ew. especially if we have sectionals. double ew.

next year i can't wait to not be in like 295873467 bands.

i also can't wait to have advanced instrumental studies and actually be able to have time to practice for allstate. because i'm auditioning for that next year. no big deal.

obsessed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_u29qK84uvI

i have NO reason to be unhappy.

but i find myself thinking abouts things.

like, how i feel like i won't be happy until i find someone. someone who will make me happy. and make me realize how awesome i am.

but that's such a stupid thing to wait around for.

i need to prove to myself that i have people in my life that do that. but just... i don't know. it's really hard to write this out.

i am happy. i just have one little crevice that i'd like to fill.

i don't have to. but maybe someday...

maybe i just feel lonely. after all of these years having a companion would be cool.

or not. that's okay too.

man oh man, you're my best friend

i'll scream it out to the nothingness

there ain't nothing that i need

well hot and heavy pumpkin pie,

chocolate cake and Jesus Christ,

ain't nothing please me more than you

home, let me come home,

home is wherever i'm with you

hot and dangerous

if you're one of us then roll with us 'cause we make the hipsters fall in love

when we've got our hot pants on and up

and yes of course we does

we running this town just like a club

and no you don't wanna mess with us

got Jesus on my necklace

this has been stuck in my head for a majority of today.

also, i just made garrett a hip-hop and rap mix cd. HAHAHAHA, it's so great.

i'm proud of these 10 songs.

i don't really have anything to say...

I'M SO GLAD WE HAD A SNOW DAY.

oh my god. i need the weekend to work on this world history project. at least to make it better.

oh, and maybe i'll actually give as dangg about bio.

but just maybe.