it kills me

how i can't go more than an hour without seeing something that reminds me of you.

and now that i know that i'm wasting my time i just get frustrated with myself.

everything is just so confusing. and just weird. and i literally sit around for hours a day just thinking about what i'm doing with my life.

i feel like there's two sides here. there's things that i need to do to function normally and there are things that i do just because i can.

there's the school/field hockey/band side which takes up a lot of my life. but then there's the teenage blogger side. and that side is confused.

i've had moments recently where i sit and think about who i am.

typically i never come to a conclusion.

but i'm okay with that i think. i'm okay with the different sides. i wouldn't say that i have different personalities. because they all seem to collect into one.

i've just been doing a lot of thinking lately. things don't make sense.

i don't like it a lot of the time.

things make me cry. that's not a good time.

but then there's always the moment where i'm laying in bed and i look up and see those old glow in the dark stars on my ceiling and i think that everything's okay.

(this didn't make any sense.)