you don't know

you don't know how heavy your emotions are until you try to lift them.
you don't know how strong you are.
you think you know, but you really don't.
we all get overwhelmed with emotion once in awhile.
things happen that we can't control.

i'm starting to get religious again.
i don't know what happened or why it did, but i moved away from god.
i just didn't care anymore.
but guess what? i'm coming back.
i guess i just realized that in case no one is there, god will be. and that's SO comforting.
it's even more comforting to know that if i mess up, he'll forgive me. (and i mess up a lot.)

thank you for calling me back to you, lord.


you're making bad choices again.
last night was the scariest thing that's ever happened.
think before you do things.
STOP BEING STUPID.
you have no idea how much it hurts me when things like this happen.
just make good choices.


christmas was good (:
i got a new ipoddd! finally, thanks santa (:


ok, time to sleep. it's too late to be on the computer.
goodnight moon

all you need is love

this song has been stuck in my head for 3 days.
but i like it.
it's reminded me that all you do need is love and everything will be okay.
don't forget that.

i told myself that i wouldn't blog unless i had something important or lengthy to say...
well, this is neither lengthy or important. sorry

merry christmas eve day :] it's so complicated to say.
(i just rhymed... unintentionally.)

and nobody can bring me down

i still have a lot of work to do.
homework-wise and on myself.
but i'm learning, and i'm getting there.
please stick with me to the finish... i need you

it is sooo cold in my room. is this symbolic in any way? my life is cold?
i have a cold. my room probably gave it to me.
awesomeee.

that just reminded me on in 5th grade.. we used to say "awesome possum!" all the time. coolest. kids. you'll. ever. meet. :]

5th grade taught me a lot of things about life.
i had 2 really great teachers, but then again i've always had good teachers.
i think the main thing i really dislike about freshman year is how everything changed.

"everything's going to change now isn't it?"
"yes, it is."
(that's from harry potter 3) :]

anywayyy, pep rally tomorrow... being mocked for the grade level i'm in.
the last one sucked anyway. i should just get jake to pick me up, ha

really sick and tired of this week. it was endless. thank the good lord that it's friday tomorrow. tuesday seemed like friday. so this week has extended it's stay. you're not welcome here anymore week of december 14th. move along.


so cold in my room. i think i said this already, whatever.

and that's all she wrote.

disorders?

sorry about the whole "new blog entry everyday" thing. i just have a lot to say recently.
if you have ever been completely exhausted (mentally and physically) you know what today was like for me. i couldn't focus on whatever i had to do today and it was just weird.

today was the day of 50 laughing attacks that came out of no where and rambling on about things no one could understand. it doesn't help when you have the funniest friends in the world :] i think i have some sort of disorder where i laugh so obnoxiously and so often... they might just call it The Abby. (sayyy what? capital letters? mmmhmmmm.. :])


alright... too tired to type. quadruple t.
:]
khsdvbkujdrbsflighbdrfhb

much lovee,
<3>

sometime in between...

laughing for no reason,
stupid arguments,
long talks,
and making fun of eachother,
i fell in love with you.

not in like an "i want to be your girl friend forever" kind of way.
just like an "i want to be with you forever."
i always want you in my life,
as my best friend. you don't understand how much you mean to me.
all the little things you do everyday that are so routine, they all make me smile. you understand me. and i trust you completely. thank you for all those little things you do. and i really do love you, but as my best friend. always. i'm so glad i met you. and i'm so glad that you can tell me everything.

on another note...

this snow day was very unproductive. but a 40 minute conversation on the phone kind of brightened it up :]
listen to me, gushing all over him. i can't let myself fall. not again, not this fast.
you know when one person can just change everything for you? i'd just like to say a big fat "thanks a lot" to greg. you made me realize that it's not worth waiting for people to want you. and i appreciate it. i really cannot describe how badly you hurt me whenever it was you decided that you could use me. once you got all of your information, you decided you were done with me. so thank you hun, i will never waste so much of my life on one person again.

don't wait. it's not worth it.

and on another absolutely random note

i really hope that you never smoke again. it's just hurting everyone that you've told. if your girl friend ever found out, you'd loose her too. thank you for trusting me not to tell anyone; and i won't. but just do everyone a favor, and stop. or at least stop putting up front. don't hide what's inside. the people that are around you and love you as a person will not leave. (this person is being disclosed. you will never know, so don't even guess.)


so there's the story. and i'm sticking to it.

ciao <3

if venting proves failure...

hello fellow bloggers!
welcome to my first blog ever! exciting right? this is the part where i try to explain myself to you. i honestly cannot attempt to do that. you'll get your own impression of me. i can't give that to you.

here's one thing though, i absolutely hate writing in capital letters. if it bothers you that i never will, just peace off this page. i also enjoy center aligning things; don't ask why.
sometimes, things just do not go right in my life. i don't have a specific person i can go to at all times of the day to tell. (i actually have a few. but i can't tell them some things. the words don't come out right.)

i have a few loves in my life.

• the clarinet
• writing
• emily
• tracey
• kenneth
• maggie
• aidan
• vera
• denise
  

those things keep me going. every single day. i'm sure i missed someone, which is why i didn't want to include names... but i felt it was necessary.

drama is not necessary. save it for the stage.
"jealousy is a disease; get well soon"
taylor swift songs make me happy
i use smiley faces and semi-colons often
"don't hate, appreciate!"

honestly, that's all that you need to know right now.
thank you for reading this darling :]

toodles <3>