it's always darkest before the dawn

i feel like i just wrote the post stating that march is here...

now next week is april.

where is the time going?

i don't want to grow up...

i want to stay in junior year for a little bit longer.

i need to get a job. other than giving 5 lessons.

but seriously, i could only work 3 days a week without killing myself and doing even less homework than i do now.

3 days... i guess that's 3 days more money than i'm making now.

need to apply to bed bath and beyond. i have the application... i'm just lazy and scared.

working is a scary concept to me.

writing part of my research paper right now.

i sound very unintelligent in it.

time for a writing conference totes.

also, i'm tired. i'm thinking of taking a day off.

probs not. but i'm thinking about it.

i'm running on 4 hours of sleep and trying to do chem stuff that i don't understand.

needless to say it's ending in tears.

i've never had an issue with chem...

MEHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i quit school.

morning will come and i'll do what's right
just give me til then to give up this fight
and i will give up this fight

'cause i can't make you love me when you don't.

you can't make your heart feel, something that it won't

and here in the dark

in these final hours

i will lay down my heart

i will feel the power

but you won't, no you won't

'cause i can't make you love me if you don't...

morning will come and i'll do what's right
just give me til then to give up this fight
and i will give up this fight

'cause i can't make you love me when you don't.

you can't make your heart feel, something that it won't

and here in the dark

in these final hours

i will lay down my heart

i will feel the power

but you won't, no you won't

'cause i can't make you love me if you don't...

i can't keep doing this to myself.
i need to get myself together.

spending way too much time worrying and feeling things for other people.
"i am not a gardener."
quoting myself. whatever.

i can't even type things out because that makes them that much more real.
if the thoughts that i have just stay in my head, they're just thoughts and nothing more.


march is here.
everything is too real and coming too soon.
can time just slow down?
daylight savings pushes it forward even further.