it's just one of those nights...

and this is the part of life i like to call: i guess...

like, i seriously think i'm bipolar sometimes.

people might find this hard to believe, but i'm not always happy.

in fact, i'm probably more sad than happy on a regular basis.

mcms concert bands were tonight.

i was fine. and then the one that i play clarinet in started.

and i found myself sinking into this state of confusion.

i don't even know.

i guess i just need a little christmas.

it's like my family doesn't know that it's 16 days away.

our house doesn't get decorated until the 18th. if we're lucky. or maybe the 15...

my mom told me she hasn't gone christmas shopping yet.

i think we're all out of sync.

also, i'm hungry.

and i have to write a response paper!

moral of the story: i don't even know why i'm not happy... it's not like anything is making me sad right now...

meg and dia ♥

When I was younger, I wish that I would have known better.
Better love makes a fat romance, that lasts for more than a shoe shine.
I’m older, took all the words of my mother, saying,
"It could be worse, could be born with that disease, instead of catching it first."

So let’s go back, to the first time, that I met you, in your Chevy, with your hands stretched, and me crying, screaming, “Mercy, Mercy!”
But I know that, I was put here, to fight Vikings, in the cold war, with my arms out, in the front lines, singing, “Dare me. Dare me.”

But these things take time love.
These things take backbone.
And they’ll tell you what you want to hear ’cause they think it’s better. Better.
But you better know how to point out the liars.
You’ve got to weigh your wars make sure you’re not fighting for nothing. Nothing.
Are you fighting for nothing, nothing?

It feels like this world has been growing slowly upside down.
Maybe I should move to China, and straighten this mess out.
Maybe I’ll be a poet.
Watch all the sky for falling words.
And write about my grandma’s curtains, or the lady who put the Chinese buffet in her purse.
I’ve got my mouth. It’s a weapon.
It’s a bombshell. It’s a cannon.
I’ve got my words.
I won’t give them mercy, mercy!

But these things take time love.
These things take backbone.
And they’ll tell you what they want to hear ’cause they think it’s better. Better.
But you better know how to point out the liars.
You’ve got to weigh your wars make sure you’re not fighting for nothing. Nothing.
Are you fighting for nothing, nothing?

I’ve got my words. I hope they hurt you.
I hope they scar you. I hope they heal you.
I hope they cut you open,
Make you see you’ve been warring for all the wrong reasons.
Make you see that some things are worth bruising for.
Make you see that your name is your honor code.
Make you see that your hands you’re accounted for.
Pick and choose where your sweat and your blood will go.
Make you see your life’s not to be lived alone.
Run their spit through your hair, you’re worth nothing. Nothing.

But these things take time love.
These things take backbone.
And they’ll tell you what you want to hear ’cause they think it’s better. Better.
But you better know how to point out the liars.
You’ve got to weigh your wars make sure you’re not fighting for nothing. Nothing.
But these things take time love.
These things take backbone.
And they’ll tell you what you want to hear ’cause they think it’s better. Better.
But you better know how to point out the liars.
You’ve got to weigh your wars make sure you’re not fighting for nothing. Nothing.

Are you fighting for nothing, nothing?

♥

all the colors of the rainbow

hidden 'neath my skin

hearts have colors don't we all know

red runs through our veins.

feel the fire burning

up, inspire me with blood of blue and green

i have hope

inside is not a heart,

but a kaleidoscope.

and this is the part of life i like to call: short blogs ):

so anyway, the play was today

and they forgot to turn my mic on for my solos back stage. until the last one.

which was my favorite one.. so i guess it's ok.

but that means there were awkward silences in songs.

and now i need to do bio homework and start a paper. both of which are due tuesday. so i have tomorrow as well.

i'm just trying to bring the stress level down a little.

moral of the story: i feel bad when i don't write a lot... i don't know why.

i know the chance that i'm taking

"In this weird twisted way, I know you miss me liking you, not because I want to believe it's true, but because you'll never find a girl that can put up with you like I did; you'll never find a girl who will care as much as I did, because no one will waste all their love on someone like you, like I did. "

i posted this in october. with my huge quotes post.

i don't know how i do these things to myself...

all of the drama that i've ever had in my life, i definitely just made it worse than it was.

i'm disgusted with how fake i can be.

i'm also in a really terrible mood, randomly.

also, current obsession: meg and dia.

people who are nice don't bring up how nice they are... just saying