the shortest fall

today hasn't been good.

i have a head cold. but it's like, more than that.
i don't know how to explain it. i just feel so yucky.

i don't believe in medicine. so... yeah.

just sleep. and healing. and lots of tea.

learning a lot about myself.

basically, i care about other people more than myself. and while that's not really a problem, i just get too wrapped up in other people's lives. and i feel like i'm intruding. and like i'm annoying. and even though i try really hard to help them, if i can't i feel hopeless. and if i can't help what's the point in getting into it anyway? i wish i didn't care so much.

i wish i were one of those girls that only cares about herself. and worries about her own life. and has fun.

i practiced for 2 hours on thursday. 2 hours. that's a record for me. usually i get too frustrated with myself before 2 hours and have to stop.

but this time i kept going. and i got so much accomplished. and i watched a video teaching me about melodic minors. because no one else can...

like, why couldn't we just play natural minors for our auditions? ...whatever.

3ish weeks...

it's snowing. hardcore. and i'm cold.

and i just want to go to hawaii. that's all.