i forgot to say out loud, how beautiful you really are to me

this is the part of life i like to call: growing out of things.

so play practice.
it just isn't the same...
haha

clearly i'm to old for this.
this'll be my last year.
that's really sad.

i just don't like when things like this end.
i get super attached to things.
that's a downfall.
i need to learn that things come and go.
and accept the going part.

especially now that my grandfather is in a nursing home.
he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few years ago.
he lived at home with my grandmother.
she does everything for him
she needs a break.
things started to get not so good...
now he has to live in the nursing home.
it's like the notebook.
except he's not coming back ):
it never really occurred to me that bad things are going to happen soon.
just when i get used to something
and it starts to make sense
and there's a rhythm,
everything changes.
left turns.

i can't be without you
you're my perfect little punching bag.
but my heart is
broken.
please don't leave me.

i'm going apple picking tomorrow.
just my mom and i
and it's not going to be awkward because she's my best friend
and i love spending time with her.

college is going to be tough.
she won't be there to pick up my pieces.

maybe that's why i like being a "mother" figure.
i like helping people.
i like being there always.
i like how that makes me feel.

moral of the story: please don't leave me

it's always better when we're together

and this is the part of life i like to call: response papers.

In class recently, Ms. Sears has read response papers aloud. As the rest of the class sits anxiously in their seats waiting to see if the paper is theirs or not, I listen intently to learn about other student’s styles. Some of the papers make me feel incompetent about my own writing abilities. Others make me feel on track. That’s the way life works I guess; some people will make you feel small and incapable while others will make you feel like you’re in the right place.

that's my introductory paragraph.
i sort of like it.
it basically explain how i feel during response shares.
i think i'm going to like this class.
i haven't really been in it long enough to make a decision.

i can't finish this though
there are so many things i need to say that i can't put words to.

oh, just so you guys know, one of my biggest pet peeves is being late to something.
it really bothers me.
i've been on time since i was born.
my mother's water broke on exactly midnight on my due date.
right on time.
honestly, right on time.
and if i haven't been, i get nervous and stressed out.
i hate feeling like i missed something.
what's your pet peeve?

i know it's pointless to ask you readers questions.
last time i did that i got maybe 3 responses.
one of which was anonymous.
so if you'd like to answer that, do it.
since some people seem to have an issue with me talking about myself?
i don't understand that.
this is my blog.
don't tell me what to write (:

"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.
Walt Disney "

i love walt disney quotes.
he's a wonderful man

"Crowded classrooms and half-day sessions are a tragic waste of our greatest national resource - the minds of our children."

"I have been up against tough competition all my life. I wouldn't know how to get along without it."

"When you're curious, you find lots of interesting things to do."
i heard that the first NECAP involved writing an essay on curiousity.

ok, i should write this paper now.

no worries.
you've got this.
it gets better.
and everything you know will be ok.

moral of the story: i don't really know... haha

i wrote such a good and happy blog.
it included songs my mother recommended and other happiness.
and then blogger quit on me. ):
so now you get a sad blog.
that isn't formatted.
or in verdana.
it's in times.
and i hate times.

we are young, heartache to heartache we stand

and this is the part of life i like to call: living.

this past weekend i played field hockey, was kidnapped, went to the mall, bought stuff, didn't go to church, marched in the parade, went to play practice, and totally got singled out as a favorite.

so we lost our field hockey game 2-0. which isn't even that bad.
and those girls were so mean. it was ridiculous.

tracey and megan kidnapped me and brought me to the mall. but they blew the secret multiple times before we got there...
haha, it was still a fun time. i got a key necklace. i've wanted one ever since i read the book lock and key. vera got that for me for my birthday (:

the parade wasn't half bad. i mean, the weather was nice and it was short. no big deal.

play practice was alright. ms. sue loves me so much and i'm pretty much the oldest so everything i do is just wonderful to her. and i didn't even raise my hand to cold-read a part and she called on me. even though so many more people were asking for her attention.

also, denise would like to say "if i had a million dollars, i would go on Oprah, then i would meet Tyra Banks and Ellen, then Taylor Lautner, because i love him." i like her (:

ok, that's enough for now.

moral of the story: i love apple pie.

it's obvious that you're dieing, dieing.

and this is the part of life i like to call: quotes. bare with me.


In this weird twisted way, I know you miss me liking you, not because I want to believe
it's true, but because you'll never find a girl that can put up with you like I did; you'll
never find a girl who will care as much as I did, because no one will waste all their love
on someone like you, like I did.

And so you asked how I was doing and I lied and said I was fine.
I mean, life is okay, but it would be better if you were mine.

Once you lose yourself, you have two
choices. Find the person you used
to be, or lose that person completely

Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything. You are
you and that is the beginning and the end - no apologies, no regrets.

It happens to everyone as they grow
up. You find out who you are and
what you want, and then you realize
that the people you've known forever
don't see things the way you do.
And so you keep the memories,
but you find yourself moving on.

Give me something to believe in, because I don't believe in you anymore.

You just have to be happy. If you are,
everything else will fall into place.
(this will now be my answer to when people ask me why i'm happy.)

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word,
a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all
of which have the potential to turn a life around.

You were only given this life because
you were strong enough to live it.

The hardest thing about knowing you don't love me is
that you spent so much time pretending that you did.

I hope you live a life you’re proud of. if you find that you’re not,
I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

moral of the story: sorry that this was boring. i was looking for inspiration.