sometimes

sometimes reading brings me to a place i don't like to go to.
sometimes i go to a place where it's dark and i swimming in thoughts.
sometimes i don't like the thoughts.
sometimes i wish the thoughts would just go away.

sometimes i realize that i just read three books, each in a day and these thoughts aren't really mine, but the character's. and then things go back to normal.

and i'll be okay

don't mind me, i just suck

you know what i love? writing research papers... so much...
i also love being told that i don't know what i'm doing. and that my "research paper" is more of a thesis paper. ohhh, i also love being told that my topic isn't orginal and that i need to develop and argument.
oh but my favorite thing is getting 70's on everything paper-related that we passed in.
i love that the most.

apparently it's not possible for me to be successful in history. why should i even put in an effort if you're not putting in an effort to actually read what i have?
i'm so sick of this. i'm also sick of feeling like an idiot every day and sitting in that class literally not knowing anything.
it kind of sucks, you know?

but, there's only another week of this shit and then i'm not taking history again.

oh hey, i have a job interview tomorrow...
good thing i'm really good at faking being in a good mood...

i just need sleep and more picnics and frisbees.