there's something not quite right here; there's something out of place here

sometimes things happen in my life that i need to reflect on.

so allstate happened. and it was a beautiful experience and i've never been in an ensemble that sounded so good and was so passionate about what they were creating.
my conductor wasn't my favorite... i like him as a person, sure, but his style wasn't the best.
i need a downbeat... he didn't give it to me... it was rough but it's okay.
sam put it the best "he taught us for the test." we accomplished the pieces and played the crap out of them but i didn't really learn much from the experience.
don't get me wrong, it was beautiful to be there and i'm so grateful for that opportunity but past festivals have been better.

also, i was recently accepted into national honor society.
i literally told myself that i would not get accepted because i thought i knew that they wouldn't accept me. basically, my applications weren't fully completed. i didn't get signatures for everything i needed to. i mean, i met the requirements definitely but other people are probably more deserving than i am that didn't make it. actually, i don't know if they turned anyone away...
anyway, that happened and my dad is happy. which is good.
"this is good for next year abby."
i know dad. scholarships are all you care about...

speaking of... SATs are happening.
i have this 1000 page book in front of me teaching me how to take the test and latin words i should be familiar with and prefixes and vocab words...
honestly, is it bad that i don't care?
these tests are designed for what is already in your head-brain. i shouldn't need to study for it...

it'll be okay.
everything will be okay.
we'll get through it.

my birthday is in a month from tomorrow. 17 is such an unfortunate age...

you know what's a good time?

writing your research paper at 1 in the morning.

it's like your mind opens up to this whole new world involving a broader vocabulary and knowledge of things you never knew before.

i don't get how my brain works... but my best writing happens either when i'm the most distracted or when it's really late/really early.

also, i'm just tired so this paper may be absolute shit. but whatever because yolo. hahahaha, i hate myself.